hey there!
We're Vanessa
and Xander Marin.
Ready to take your sex life from ordinary to extraordinary?
A lot of sex tips only talk about what happens between the sheets, and most relationship advice never addresses what goes on in the bedroom. But we talk about both! Your dynamic as a couple doesn’t miraculously change once you get naked. No one wants to hop in bed with their S.O. after fighting about the “right way” to hang the toilet paper roll. (Over, not under, y’all!) And it’s hard for your relationship to feel solid if you can’t remember the last time you had sex.
Our work hits that sweet spot between education and action. We give you the foundational information you need AND follow it up with step-by-step strategies for what to DO with that info. We’re not gonna leave you hanging with a bunch of cool facts about the clitoris and no clue how to actually make it feel good!
Our mission is to take the intimidation out of getting intimate.
Vanessa’s a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience in the sex therapy field. Xander’s a regular dude who’s been married to a sex therapist for over a decade. (Which makes him very popular at parties!)
We’re Vanessa & Xander Marin.
Get Your Butt On Our Email List!
Here’s your first order of business...
🔥 How to make time in your busy life for sex and intimacy.
🔥 How to have more and better orgasms.
🔥 How to know if you’re truly compatible with your partner.
You’ll also be the first to hear about free videos, masterclasses,
new courses, and top-secret offers!
AS SEEN IN:
We are a proudly diverse team racially, ethnically, by gender, sexuality, and physical ability. More than half of us identify as non-White, and half of us are not straight. Our team members have unique backgrounds that contribute to how we connect, share and create for our community. We have team members with different relationship structures, and a mixture of neurodivergent and neurotypical thinkers. We have experienced trauma, domestic abuse, addiction, and other mental health struggles, along with growing up with alternative family systems.
Click on each team member's photo for fun facts!
I’m a licensed psychotherapist and serious goofball. You know what drives me nuts? The fact that sex is one of the main reasons couples break up. This is a totally solvable problem, but we have to start talking about it. Hang with me, friend and I’ll give you the tools you need to strengthen your relationship and have a bangin’ sex life to boot!
I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. I’ve been featured in thousands — yes, THOUSANDS — of magazines and online articles as a sex expert. You may have seen me in O, The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, Harper’s Bazaar, and Refinery29. I’ve also written pieces for Allure, LifeHacker, Bustle, and a little news outlet called The New York Times.
I’m the resident penis-owner here. I used to work at Google, but quit when I realized it’s way more fun to talk about sex with my wife all day. While Vanessa’s the certified sex expert, I bring the regular dude perspective to our work. Together as a couple, we’re here to show you that it’s possible to get more comfortable and confident talking about sex.
Here to manage all the ins and outs of the customer experience for total satisfaction!
Here to make sure everything is running smoothly on the backend (and no, not THAT backend 🍑).
I handle operations, support the team, oversee design, and manage our podcast, Pillow Talks.
I always make sure that each team member has a happy helping person to lighten their loads.
I assist the social team with editing, brainstorming, content creation!
I help answer your questions, solve problems, and keep customers smiling.
I do all things social media, meme creation, content planning, analytics, etc.
I lead the marketing department, manage projects, and communicate through gifs like its 2021
I write copy that connects, inspires, and occasionally makes you blush (in the best way) — basically, I’m the resident word nerd.
We’re hardcore dog people, with a special emphasis on pugs (we live for curly tails and wrinkled faces). If you hear weird noises during one of our IG stories this crew is usually to blame.
the snort squad
2010 - 2023
the snort squad
angel
I run all things ManyChat!
I edit the Pillow Talks podcast audio!
extended family
I make sure the website runs smoothly!
I do all of our graphic design and some of the web design!
I create all of the Pillow Talks clips you see on social media!
I design all of our web pages!
We think that, with the right guidance, everyone has the capacity to create the relationship of their dreams.
Yes, even you!
Society sends us the message that if we’re truly soulmates, things will just happen “naturally.” You won’t have to work on your relationship because you’ll be wildly compatible right from the get-go.
We couldn’t disagree more.
(And we really hate the word “natural”!)
We believe that a rock solid relationship and a sizzling hot sex life aren’t just going to fall into your lap; you have to create and nurture them.
Our business exists to equip you with the practical, actionable tools you need to create an extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out. The stuff that you were never given the opportunity to learn ever before.
And we give most of our work away for free because (going back to #1) we think you deserve extraordinary intimacy.
Most of us don’t work on our relationships or our sex lives until things have gotten really bad. Someone threatens a break-up or divorce, so we start frantically Googling therapists in our area, trying to find someone who can see us tonight.
But by that time, it’s often too late.
This reactionary approach just isn’t helping anyone.
We believe that proactively working to keep our relationships happy and joyful can prevent major challenges from coming up in the first place.
It’s a lot more fun to focus on thriving than surviving. extraordinary intimacy.
Xander and I share our raw, unfiltered selves – as individuals and as a married couple – with our community.
You’ll hear personal stories about our triumphs, but you’ll also hear about major challenges we’ve been faced with and mistakes we’ve made.
It’s vulnerable to share this much with you, but we do it because we know that hearing these kinds of stories will help you know you’re not alone.
It’s rare to have open and honest discussions about sex and relationships, but we’re determined to change that.
We want you to have the absolute best toolkit possible, so we’re constantly experimenting with new and unique solutions to everyday sex and relationship problems.
Curiosity is our best friend – and yours too! We know from experience that when we approach our own challenges with genuine, whole-hearted curiosity, instead of fear, shame or judgment, a whole world of creativity opens up to us.
We’re learners at heart, so Xander and I test drive all of our ideas on ourselves before we share them with you!
Every month, we donate a significant portion of our company’s profits to non-profit organizations chosen by our employees. We support organizations that teach sexual education, eliminate sexual violence, amplify underserved populations and voices, and promote equality. Past organizations that we have donated to include:
- Planned Parenthood
- The Trevor Project
- National Alliance To End Sexual Violence
- RAINN
- NAACP
- ACLU
- Color Of Change
- Campaign Zero
- The Loveland Foundation
Because we believe that everyone deserves to have extraordinary relationships, we are committed to making our business accessible to all races, socioeconomic statuses, sexual orientations, gender identities, levels of ability, and more.
As biracial people ourselves, we strive to be actively anti-racist.
We know that we don’t know everything, and we’re committed to increasing our knowledge on an active and ongoing basis.
We know that we’re going to get things wrong, mess up, and hurt people, but we’re fiercely committed to taking ownership for our actions, apologizing non-defensively, and doing our best to repair the harm we cause.
we are rooted in the following core values:
1. We believe that everyone deserves an extraordinary relationship and sex life.
We think that, with the right guidance, everyone has the capacity to create the relationship of their dreams.
Yes, even you!
2. But we also believe that you have to actively work on it!
Society sends us the message that if we’re truly soulmates, things will just happen “naturally.” You won’t have to work on your relationship because you’ll be wildly compatible right from the get-go.
We couldn’t disagree more.
(And we really hate the word “natural”!)
We believe that a rock solid relationship and a sizzling hot sex life aren’t just going to fall into your lap; you have to create and nurture them.
Our business exists to equip you with the practical, actionable tools you need to create an extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out. The stuff that you were never given the opportunity to learn ever before.
And we give most of our work away for free because (going back to #1) we think you deserve extraordinary intimacy.
3. We believe in taking a proactive approach.
Most of us don’t work on our relationships or our sex lives until things have gotten really bad. Someone threatens a break-up or divorce, so we start frantically Googling therapists in our area, trying to find someone who can see us tonight.
But by that time, it’s often too late.
This reactionary approach just isn’t helping anyone.
We believe that proactively working to keep our relationships happy and joyful can prevent major challenges from coming up in the first place.
It’s a lot more fun to focus on thriving than surviving.
4. We believe in being open, honest and vulnerable.
Xander and I share our raw, unfiltered selves – as individuals and as a married couple – with our community.
You’ll hear personal stories about our triumphs, but you’ll also hear about major challenges we’ve been faced with and mistakes we’ve made.
It’s vulnerable to share this much with you, but we do it because we know that hearing these kinds of stories will help you know you’re not alone.
It’s rare to have open and honest discussions about sex and relationships, but we’re determined to change that.
5. We approach sex and relationships with curiosity and creativity.
We want you to have the absolute best toolkit possible, so we’re constantly experimenting with new and unique solutions to everyday sex and relationship problems.
Curiosity is our best friend – and yours too! We know from experience that when we approach our own challenges with genuine, whole-hearted curiosity, instead of fear, shame or judgment, a whole world of creativity opens up to us.
We’re learners at heart, so Xander and I test drive all of our ideas on ourselves before we share them with you!
6. We believe in giving back.
Every month, we donate a significant portion of our company’s profits to non-profit organizations chosen by our employees. We support organizations that teach sexual education, eliminate sexual violence, amplify underserved populations and voices, and promote equality. Past organizations that we have donated to include:
- Planned Parenthood
- The Trevor Project
- National Alliance To End Sexual Violence
- RAINN
- NAACP
- ACLU
- Color Of Change
- Campaign Zero
- The Loveland Foundation
7. We value diversity, equality, and inclusion.
Because we believe that everyone deserves to have extraordinary relationships, we are committed to making our business accessible to all races, socioeconomic statuses, sexual orientations, gender identities, levels of ability, and more.
As biracial people ourselves, we strive to be actively anti-racist.
We know that we don’t know everything, and we’re committed to increasing our knowledge on an active and ongoing basis.
We know that we’re going to get things wrong, mess up, and hurt people, but we’re fiercely committed to taking ownership for our actions, apologizing non-defensively, and doing our best to repair the harm we cause.
We love that you’re still reading this, but you’ve gotta take action if you want things to change. Join our email list so you can transform your sex life from ordinary to extraordinary!
Join the list!
Vanessa
Enneagram: 7, The Enthusiast
FUN FACTS:
- I’m a HUGE bookworm. I fulfilled a lifelong dream by writing my own book!
- Every member of my immediate family is an entrepreneur. Runs in the family!
- I love traveling with Xander. We’ve been to over 40 countries together!
Xander
Enneagram: 5, The Investigator
FUN FACTS:
- I’m an avid surfer and spend most mornings in the ocean.
- I’m 6’0”, and the one-foot height difference between Vanessa and me makes for some interesting… moments.
- I love sci-fi novels and films (DM me your recommendations!)
Laura
Enneagram: 4, The Individualist
FUN FACTS:
- I’m a fine artist and work in painting, photography, and creative writing.
- My form of meditation is long-distance running.
- I love music (and dancing) and try to go to a new music festival every year.
Jo
Enneagram: 2, The Helper
FUN FACTS:
- I love baking and have formulated my perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe.
- I’m a big tabletop gamer and video gamer (Nintendo Switch is my preferred system).
- I have a curated list of TV shows to watch (and to share with others).
Jackie
Enneagram: 2, The Helper
FUN FACTS:
- I am obsessed with music and write in my spare time.
- Owner of Guillermo, a puppy who acts like a bunny and thinks he is a cat.
- I could create a public library with the number of books I own.
Emma
Enneagram: 5, The Investigator
FUN FACTS:
- I’m obsessed with reading.
- I rushed the field after Texas A&M beat Alabama.
- I make the best chocolate chip cookies.
Niki
Enneagram: 2, The Helper
FUN FACTS:
- I was a parkour and stunt performer in a previous life and still have a passion for fitness.
- I spend most of my day upside down practicing handstands.
- If I’m not working, I’m either crocheting, reading, or line dancing!
Chachi
Enneagram 9, The Peacemaker
FUN FACTS:
- I’m a dad and husband and I’m living my absolute best life “hashbrown blessed”
- I used to be a youth pastor for ten years. Different life, but story for another time.
- My first concert ever was The Backstreet Boys and I’m so unashamed of that.
Jenell
Enneagram 3, The Achiever
FUN FACTS:
- I love ghost stories & haunted places.
- I’m a data nerd and track all my wellness stats religiously
- I’m on a mission to visit all the National Parks (I’ve been to 37 out of 63)
Jess
Enneagram 7, The Enthusiast
FUN FACTS:
- Can perform the entirety of RENT as a one-woman-show
- My kids are 11 years apart in age! Currently wrangling a teen AND a toddler.
- I’m always reading at least 3 books at once.
Maggie & Chauncey
Can be heard in the background snoring
FUN FACTS:
- Maggie: I love snuggling with Chauncey and my humans, giving kisses, nibbling fingers, and showing off my extra long tongue.
- Chauncey: I love zoomies, carrying a toy around in my mouth at all times, swishing my tail, and napping on my back.
Phineas & Tristen
Two senior pugs living their best life
FUN FACTS:
- Phineas: I’m 15 and mostly live in mom’s arms now-a-days. My outrageously long tongue is always a crowd pleaser!
- Tristen: I’m almost 13. My favorite thing is to aggressive kiss mom at 6am letting her know it’s time for breakfast!
Punky and Rhuby
Two cute & VERY sassy chihuahuas
FUN FACTS:
- Punky Chewster: I LOVE doing tricks for treats and my tongue will try to find your brain via your nose if you let me.
- Rhubarb: I’m basically a cat. I’ll find you when I want food and attention. Otherwise, just leave me to be cute.
Momo & Nellie
Bunny-cat & himbo, at your service
FUN FACTS:
- Guillermo/Momo/Fluffbaby: You say dog, I say cat/bunny/big boi. Can I have your socks? The smellier, the better!
- Nelson/Nelly/JellyNelly: I'm basically the dog from "Up" that also wants to sit on your lap and lick you to death.
Flynn
The bestest Halloween baby!
FUN FACTS:
- I love to sleep belly up and snore, and I’ve never kept the ears or tails on any stuffed toy EVER.
- I greet everyone with my signature Aussie snarl (jk a big, teethy smile) and butt wiggles!
Jasper
Will play & chase after you for hours!
FUN FACTS:
- I’ll never turn down a tug-a-war match.
- I help my dad manage the website and make sure he gets up to exercise.
Cali & Marty
We call them “Calamari”, Salt and Peppa, Yin and Yang
FUN FACTS:
- Cali: I’m faster than most big dogs and love squeaky toys and fuzzy blankets! Oh, and I go crazy for TREATS!
- Marty: Named after Marty McFly — My favorite activities are sleeping under mom’s desk and tolerating my sister.
Nollie & Boo
We love to hate each other
FUN FACTS:
- Boo: Loves swimming, surfing, and snuggles but can fall a sleep in seconds. She’s too smart for her own good.
- Nollie: An old man who would rather stay home, but he’s traveled to more states than most people.
Luna + Tucci
Beagle/Bulldog mixes looking for love
FUN FACTS:
- Luna: Classic eldest daughter. Leader of the pack with perfectionist tendencies. Soft as a marshmallow.
- Leo “Stanley Tucci”: Constant attention seeker. Obsessed with our toddler. Fun Uncle vibes.
