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“What do you want?” He asked me.
I cringed. I panicked. I pretended I hadn’t heard him.
Inside, I was thinking, “I have no freaking clue!”
But I would have been mortified to say that out loud. So I said nothing, and prayed he wouldn’t repeat the question…
I hate to admit it, but this little scene played itself out many times over many years. You see, I knew how to orgasm on my own, but for a very long time, I didn’t know how to get there with a partner.
With my very first partner, I did try to give instructions. I would ask for oral sex. I would ask him to move his hand a little to the right. I would ask for more pressure.
But if he did what I asked, and it didn’t immediately feel wildly more pleasurable than whatever he had been doing before my request, I would feel deeply self-conscious. I would feel like a failure. I would feel ashamed for having even asked him to do something for me in the first place.
I very quickly learned to stop asking for things in the bedroom.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was making an enormous mistake. A mistake that you’re probably making in your own sex life.read more
If you’re like most people, asking for what you want in the bedroom is a big challenge for you. You might not even know what you want in the bedroom. You might not feel worthy of asking. You might be afraid of your partner’s reactions.
So I’ve put together a brand new masterclass to help make it easier!read more
One of the most popular emails I ever wrote was called “Did you phub your partner last night? I did.” Phubbing is the term for when you snub your partner because you’re too distracted by your cell phone.read more