Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays.

This week’s question comes from Carlie*. She writes, “I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago and enjoy your posts. I would love to see you in person for some sexual issues I am grappling with but I sadly do not live in San Francisco. Could you give me advice on how to find a sex therapist in my area?”

Hi Carlie,
Thanks for your question! Finding a good sex therapist can be quite difficult, especially if you live outside of a major metropolitan area, but I am happy to give you a few suggestions. The major problem with finding a reputable sex therapist is that there are no standardized licensing requirements for sex therapists. In fact, there isn’t even a license. This is a major problem for the field because it means there are a lot of unqualified, uneducated people practicing sex “therapy”. I highly recommend looking for a sex therapist who is also an actual therapist, whether their degree is an MFT, MSW, PhD, or PsyD. While I’m sure there are some great people out there who are talented sex therapists without having formalized counseling training, the risk for getting someone unqualified, unprepared, or just plain unethical is high.

One good place to start is the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Conselors, and Therapists, at http://www.aasect.org/. Not all sex therapists are Certified AASECT therapists (I am still working through their rigorous and expensive certification process!), but AASECT is well-regarded as one of the major professional organizations for sex therapists. They have an easy-to-use map feature to help you find a therapist in your area.

Another resource is your local sex shop. I usually recommend that women look for clean, well-lit, female-friendly sex shops along the lines of Good Vibrations, Babes In Toyland, or The Pleasure Chest. Some of these shops have business cards or flyers from local sex therapists. Others may offer classes or workshops taught by therapists. You can also ask sales associates if they know of anyone reputable.

You can also check out PsychologyToday.com. They have an interactive therapist-finder tool that helps you find therapists in your area, and you can look for therapists who list sex as their specialty. Be aware that therapists pay fees to be listed on this site.

If you can’t find anyone in your area, or you can’t find anyone with whom you can feel relaxed enough and trusting enough to talk about something as intimate as sex, you may want to consider broadening your search to include therapists who see clients via Skype. While having a Skype session is certainly not the same as being in the room with a therapist, I have found it to be a good enough alternative for those who would not be able to have therapy otherwise.

*Names have been changed for privacy