Welcome to The Weekend Sexperiment! Each Friday, I alternate between The Weekend Sexperiment and Reader’s Request Fridays. In TWS posts, I offer a simple sex therapy homework assignment to try out over the weekend. Some experiments are geared towards couples, but others are suitable for single folks. As always, please feel free to contact me if you have a certain topic you’d like to see covered. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.

This week’s assignment is all about masturbation. For many of us, masturbation is the first way we learn to experience sexual pleasure. It can also be the vehicle with which we discover what we like sexually. Unfortunately, most of us also learn that masturbation is “bad”. Girls are taught that “good girls” don’t masturbate. Boys are given a little more leniency, but they tend to get the message to do it quickly and furtively. These early messages about masturbation have severe and far-reaching consequences. Many women never learn how to pleasure themselves, and many men end up inadvertently training themselves to reach orgasm as rapidly as possible. Men and women alike come to regard self-pleasure with a great deal of shame and embarrassment.

I would like to offer you the opportunity to re-examine your masturbation practices. Over the weekend, set aside some time to think about your history with masturbation. Think back to the first time you ever masturbated. What was it like? What do you remember feeling? Do you remember what you were thinking? You may also want to consider if you developed any masturbation patterns in those early years. Did you always do it in the exact same way, or in the exact same place? Did you think about or look at the same things? Did it tend to last the same amount of time? Did you ever try anything different? Finally, try to recall some of the messages you received about masturbation when you were growing up. Did you parents ever talk to you about it? Did you talk about it with your friends? Do you remember being warned of the consequences of masturbation (hairy palms or a bad reputation are a few common ones)? How do you think those early behaviors and messages influenced your masturbation practices as an adult?

Taking all of this information into consideration, think about ways you might want your masturbation practice to be different. Would you be interested in masturbating for a longer amount of time? How about in a different location, using a new fantasy, or an unfamiliar type of touch? Would you like to try using some self-talk or relaxation exercises to assuage the guilt or embarrassment? If you have never masturbated before, are you interested in trying it for the first time? Try to identify at least one new way that you could change your masturbation routine to lead to greater enjoyment, relaxation, or creativity. Over the weekend, give this new technique a try, and see if it is something you could envision incorporating into your practice on a more regular basis. If you’re stumped when it comes to ideas, here are a few possibilities:

 

• Masturbate with your non-dominant hand.
• Use very slow, deliberate, and teasing touch.
• Meditate for a few minutes beforehand. Remind yourself that there is nothing bad about masturbation.
• Prolong your orgasm as long as you can stand it. Get yourself to the brink of orgasm, then back down.
• Watch porn as you masturbate.
• If you have a partner, allow them to watch you masturbate.
• Masturbate in the bath or shower.
• Use a vibrator or a male masturbator.
• Watch yourself masturbate in front of a mirror.