Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays. As a reminder, I address one reader email every other week.

This week’s question comes from Beatrice, who says that she has a hard time falling asleep at night, and often finds herself ruminating about past decisions and battling the thoughts that pop into her head. She wonders why she can feel so much more vulnerable at night.

First things first, there are some biological reasons why bedtime can feel harder to manage. During the day, it can feel easier to control our thoughts because our conscious mind is on and operating. We can force ourselves to not think certain thoughts with sheer willpower, or we can lose our thoughts in the variety of distractions we come across throughout the day. As we are trying to fall asleep, we are gradually trying to turn off our conscious mind, which also turns off our control of our thoughts. The brain starts to rest, and lets down some of its usual defenses. Additionally, there aren’t tasks or activities to distract us from our thoughts.

Even before you get into bed to try to sleep, the lack of distractions can make nighttime feel vulnerable. People tend to slow down and unwind as they approach the evening. There aren’t as many interactions with other people, no pressing tasks, and no deadlines. Slowing down can make you more aware of the emotions you may have shoved aside during the day.

So what options do you have if nighttime feels particularly vulnerable for you? The first thing to consider is the magnitude of the vulnerability you feel. Is it an indication that you are spending your day ignoring the majority of your feelings? Is it possible that you have some bigger issues that you need to take a look at? Next, think about ways you can incorporate self care into your evenings. Many people like marking the transition from daytime to evening with a certain ritual, like exercise, journaling, or meditation. You may also want to consider creating some better sleep habits. I’ll have a more in-depth article on this topic next few weeks, so stay tuned! Finally, come up with a plan for managing the thoughts that pop into your head. If you find yourself pondering existential-type questions like, “what is my purpose in life?”, try keeping a notepad and pen by your bed. Write the questions down, and promise yourself that you will evaluate them in the daytime when you have the time and energy to take an honest look at yourself. Of course, you have to follow through on this promise! If you find yourself battling more random or inconsequential thoughts, try coming up with some imagery around setting the thoughts aside. You could imagine putting each thought in a little box, letting it blow away in a light gust of wind, or evaporating.

Sweet dreams!