Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex?

One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely.

But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down one of the most important tools we’ve ever shared: the two sex drive types.

If you’ve ever felt like your desire is broken—or that your partner just doesn’t “get” you—this conversation is about to change everything.

• The real difference between mental desire and physical arousal
• What it means to be a Spontaneous vs. Responsive type
• Why you’re not low desire… you just need a different kind of start
• How to navigate mismatched sex drives without resentment
• Why your type has nothing to do with gender (but the stats may surprise you)
• How to initiate sex in a way that works for both of you

You’ll also hear a game-changing mindset shift that can help you stop taking it personally—and start working with your differences instead of against them.

Links & Resources:

• Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on
• What’s your sex drive type?

Stay Connected

Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander

Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns Sign up here!

Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Also listen on