Not orgasming with your partner is way more common than most people realize.
And for a lot of women, it turns into one of three coping strategies.
Faking. Doing nothing. Or convincing yourself it’s “not a big deal.”
In today’s episode, we’re talking about why so many women struggle to orgasm in partnered sex — even in loving, committed relationships — and how those patterns quietly shape your confidence, desire, and connection over time.
Vanessa shares her own journey with orgasm, including the truth that even as a sex therapist, she didn’t always have this “figured out.” She opens up about faking in past relationships, feeling stuck, and realizing she needed real tools — not just reassurance — to experience pleasure consistently.
If you’ve ever wondered:
“Is this just how sex is for me?”
“Am I asking for too much?”
“Why does this feel so complicated?”
This episode is for you.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The three most common ways women cope with not orgasming.
- Why faking feels easier at first — and harder over time.
- The real data behind the orgasm gap.
- What thousands of women said is holding them back from pleasure.
- How pressure, performance, and people-pleasing kill desire.
- Why “it’s fine” often leads to resentment.
- What to say if you’ve been faking and want a reset.
- How to start advocating for your pleasure without blowing things up.
- Why you deserve the same experience your partner is having.
If you’ve ever felt confused, discouraged, or quietly frustrated about orgasm, please know this: you’re not broken, you’re not behind, and you’re not alone. This is something you can learn. And you deserve support while you do.
Featured Resource: Finishing School
Finishing School is Vanessa’s most technique-focused program, designed to teach you step-by-step how to have an orgasm alone and with a partner.
Inside, you’ll learn:
- How your body actually works.
- What techniques create reliable pleasure.
- How to communicate what you need.
- How to stop guessing and start feeling confident.
- How to experience orgasms without pressure or performance.
This is everything Vanessa wishes she’d had when she was struggling.
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