Where does your partner lie on your list of priorities?

On top of all of your other responsibilities: work, family, kids, friends, pets, chores, to-do-lists, etc., where do your partner and your relationship rank?

What about the way you interact with people on a daily basis? Are you frequently in a good mood when you’re at work or out with your friends, only to come home to your partner and act irritable and cold?

It’s what I call The Leftovers Problem. We end up giving our partners only the scraps of energy and attention that we have left after our long days.

Most couples develop the Leftovers Problem because they grow tired of the effort that relationships require of us.

In the beginning of a relationship, everything feels so new and exciting that you hardly notice the immense effort you’re making to create room in your life for someone new. You want to give your partner your best.

But as you get more comfortable and feel more secure in your relationship, you stop making that effort to give your best. You just rely on your relationship to work, and you stop putting in the work that made your relationship reliable in the first place. Maybe you even feel resentful of the idea that a relationship requires effort.

Your relationship slowly starts drifting down to the bottom of your priorities. Soon, you’re in full-blown Leftovers territory.

But it’s hard to subsist on scraps. And it’s impossible to thrive.

Instead, what would it look like to imagine putting your partner second (after yourself!) on your list of priorities? What would it look like to wake up in the morning and think, “what can I do today to show my partner that our relationship is valuable to me.”

The answer doesn’t need to be that complicated!

Maybe it’s taking a few extra minutes in the morning in bed to snuggle and start the day on a good note.

Maybe it’s sending a sweet text or two throughout the day.

Maybe it’s putting your electronics away, so you can focus on quality time together.

Maybe it’s doing one of your partner’s chores, without being asked.

Maybe it’s giving a genuine, heartfelt compliment.

Maybe it’s saying “no” to something, to leave more time for your sweetie.

You’ll notice that all of those examples are relatively small things that you could do on a daily basis. There’s a reason for that.

The things you do on a daily basis are more important than the things we do every once in a while.

The best way to get rid of The Leftovers Problem is to find ways to prioritize your partner on a daily basis.

Relationships aren’t about the grand gestures (although those are of course nice!). They’re about the little moments.

What little moment can you give to your partner today?