Most people watch porn, but very, very few people watch it with their partners. But watching together can actually be a very erotic shared experience. Here’s how to watch porn with your partner – without destroying your relationship.

Introduce The Idea With Care

It’s best to be sensitive when broaching the topic.

You want to make sure your partner understands that you want to watch porn with them. You can watch it alone, but you’re particularly interested in the experience of the two of you watching together.

When you bring up the idea, mention the specific reasons why you think it would be exciting to watch together. Say something like, “I saw this article today about watching porn with your partner. I think it would be really hot to watch some sort of erotica with you. I’d love to get turned on together, then have our way with each other.”

Provide Reassurance

The unfortunate reality is that there’s a decent chance your partner will worry that you wanting to watch pornography means you’re not as attracted to them as you are to the actors and actresses in the films you watch. A lot of people get self-conscious about their partners watching porn, even if they watch porn themselves!

If your partner is prone to self-consciousness, make sure you’re clear with your partner that your interest in porn doesn’t say anything about your attraction to them.

Don’t compare your partner to the actors or actresses, even if you’re giving a compliment. Telling your partner, “you have a better ass than she does” is only going to make a self-conscious partner more anxious.

You may also need to reassure your partner that just because you’re interested in watching a certain act in a porn doesn’t mean that you secretly want to try that activity in real life. Plenty of people enjoy watching acts in porn that they don’t want to try in real life. That’s part of the thrill of watching porn.

You may also find that you enjoy porn that depicts different orientations than the one with which you identify. If you’re straight, you may be into watching gay or lesbian porn, and vice versa.

Ease Into It

If your partner is shy, you might want to start with something more tame, like erotic images or GIFs.

You can also read written erotica, or listen to audio erotica together. Lots of people actually like written or audio erotica better than videos, so this is a good area to explore even if your partner is gung-ho about porn.

Once you start watching porn videos, try to stick to more vanilla films.

Explore Different Types

There are an infinite number of genres of pornography to enjoy with your partner.

You may want to let your partner pick the first few videos, especially if they’re a relative newbie.

Take care not to make negative comments about their selections! You and your partner might not be interested in watching the same things, and that’s OK. The idea is to share the experience together, and potentially expand each other’s horizons.

Check Out Ethical Porn

Not all pornography is created equal!

I always recommend that couples look at ethical porn, which focuses on fair and empowering treatment of actors, diversity, safety, and realistic depictions of sexual acts.

My favorite recommendation is anything by the filmmaker Erika Lust. Her films are beautiful, creative, and incredibly sexy. Many of my previously porn-shy clients have become converts solely due to Erika Lust films.

Pay Attention To Each Other

When you’re actually watching porn with your partner, make sure to pay more attention to your partner than to the porn.

Remember, you can always watch porn by yourself, and completely hone in on what’s going on on the screen. But when you’re watching with your partner, the point is to share the experience.

Talk about the specific activities the actors are doing, and if you would like doing that to each other. Or talk about how sexy it is to watch your partner get turned on by what they’re watching.

You may want to start watching porn as foreplay, then put the movie aside and focus on each other.

In particular, make sure to make plenty of eye contact. That lets your partner know you’re watching them, not just the screen in front of you.

Check Your Expectations

It’s extremely important to keep reminding yourself that porn sex and real sex are not the same thing. In fact, porn sex is often wildly unrealistic.

Just because you see something in a porn doesn’t mean your partner will (or should) like it.

Remember that porn is meant to be entertainment, not a documentary. Enjoy the experience of watching it together, but don’t try to model your sex life after it.