How To Handle Rejection When Your Partner Says No To Sex

August 19,2021

Anytime you ask for something you want, it’s a vulnerable experience. You’re putting yourself out there, and in the position to be turned down. Which is why initiating sex is one of the most vulnerable things we do in our relationships.

In today’s episode we are talking all about how to deal with sexual rejection, so you and your partner can feel way more confident initiating with one another.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[3:17] Our Instagram audience’s feelings on getting turned down

[6:01] Why does rejection hurt so bad?

[9:37] What gets stirred up when you partner turns you down?

[12:02] The first step to changing how we feel after rejection

[12:51] Preparing yourself for rejection

[15:53] Learning to accept the no

[17:37] What to do with your feelings of rejection in the heat of the moment.

[23:24] Validating your feelings

[24:26] How to depersonalize rejection

[27:43] Why you should keep initiating

[36:22] Listener question: What if my partner always turns me down?

[38:52] Listener question: How do I stop feeling like it must be about me, even if my partner insists it’s not about me?

[42:49] Listener question: How can I ask him what’s going on without triggering him to be super defensive?

[45:45] Listening question: As a guy, how do I handle turning down my partner when I’m not in the mood. She says men are always supposed to be horny and then immediately takes it personally.

Links & resources

Initiation 101 Masterclass

Check out our masterclass, which includes 22 specific ideas for how to initiate with your partner and a step-by-step process for responding to your partner’s initiations, even when you feel like a “no”. Work together as a team to make initiation feel less loaded and more fun in your relationship!

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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!