How To Not Pass Sexual Shame On To Your Kids

October 21,2021

In this episode, we’re talking about how to cut through the shame, awkwardness and embarrassment that we’ve been taught to have when talking about sex; specifically when it comes to talking to your kids.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[2:45] What is the generational shame cycle?

[6:05] How we recommend starting the process of breaking that shame cycle.

[8:35] Kids and their amazing bullshit detectors (and how to start working on your OWN sexuality)

[17:24] We polled Instagram to find out what alternative names people were taught for their genitals as kids, and the results are WILD.

[24:00] Why it’s important to use the correct names for genitalia with your kids.

[25:14] Why “The Talk” doesn’t work, and how to lean into questions.

[30:54] The consent conversation.

[31:43] How to frame sex in a positive light while encouraging kids to make healthy decisions.

[33:37] It’s NEVER too late to talk to your child about sex. Here’s how to start when your child is a little older.

[35:30] How to be a “safe place” for your kids when it comes to talking about sex and owning up to any previous mistakes you’ve made

[37:21] Listener question: “I want to talk about sex with my kids but I don’t want to give the impression that I approve of them having sex at a young age.”

[42:09] Vanessa shares what happened when she asked her mom to go on birth control.

[45:00] Listener question: “We’re religious but I don’t agree with all of my religions views about sex, and I don’t want those views to harm my children. What do I do?”

[49:58] Listener question: “We have girls who are between 3 and 7 years old and our littlest one touches herself. What do I say to not make it shameful?

Links & resources

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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!