Can We Come Back From This?

January 27,2022

What do you do when your partner says something hurtful that you just can’t shake, even months or years later? Is it something you can grow and heal from or is it simply a dealbreaker?

This advice-column style episode dives into the “grey area” of relationships. We’ll hear stories from members of our community who are sharing their most harrowing ‘can we come back from this?’ moments and give our best advice on how to move forward.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[02:04] Our Instagram audience weighs in on whether or not they’ve had their partner say something hurtful that they couldn’t forget about

[07:33] We talk about one of these ‘can we come back from this’ moments in our own relationship

[13:21] Example #1 — TW: Mention of sexual assault

[18:19] Example #2 — “My husband told me he wasn’t attracted to me during the latter half of pregnancy and postpartum…”

[25:09] Example #3 — “My partner told me the man she was with before me had a bigger dick than I do…”

[29:05] “Who are they fucking tonight?! IT ME.”

[35:06] Example #4 — ”He told me he wished we never had our child…”

[40:30] What can happen when we don’t check in with our partners on what they truly mean

[41:19] Example #5 — “I’m a stay-at-home mom. He told me during a fight that if I wanted his respect to go get a job.”

[45:38] Our favorite resource for when there is an imbalance in mental load

[46:41] Example #6 — ”Partner outright told me they don’t believe mental illness is real…I’ve had depression and anxiety for our entire 25 years of marriage and before that, too.”

[49:04] Example #7 — “…my husband wanted a blow job, but I was in excruciating pain. He said, ‘You could have just sucked it up and did it’…”

[55:24] Example #8 — ”I asked him whether he loved me as much as I love him. He told me, probably not.”

Do you like our advice-column style episodes? Head over to Instagram and send us a DM to let us know how you feel about them!

Links & resources

Mental Load Workbook

YouTube Video: Does penis size really matter?

YouTube Video: Should Stay-at-Home Moms/Parents Do Everything?

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Also listen on


How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having?


You'll receive instant access to this guide and ongoing free tips from me on how to have an amazing sex life. Your privacy is important to me. Your information will be kept completely confidential, and you can unsubscribe anytime.


I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!