This is why your partner won’t work on your relationship with you (and how to finally get them to!)
Do you think that relationships should be effortless?
Or that having to work on your relationship means there’s something wrong?
Or does your partner think these things?
A lot of people think that they should only need to put effort into their relationship to solve serious problems. Or they wait until things are really bad to start putting in effort.
But your relationship CAN NOT survive without effort.
In this episode, we reframe “work” in a completely different – and much more helpful, effective, and fun! – way.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The specific reasons why so many people are hesitant to work on their relationships, including some insight from Xander about why men in particular are so resistant.
- How to start the conversation about wanting to improve you relationship, together.
- Specific responses your partner might have to your requests, and how to effectively address them.
- Identifying how to get the best “bang for your buck”, so working on your relationship doesn’t even feel like work!
Here’s a glance at this episode:
[0:47] The moment I asked Xander to go to therapy
[3:35] The top 7 things couples want to work on
[5:05] What does it mean to “work on” your relationship?
[7:29] The unique way we reframe what “working on your relationship” means
[11:00] The specific things we do to work on our own relationship
[13:33] The reasons why people hesitate to work on their relationships
[18:08] Why men in particular have a hard time working on relationships
[21:57] How to start the conversation with your partner
[23:22] Finding the positives
[25:01] Discover your reasons for wanting to work on the relationship
[26:49] Don’t use the word “work”
[28:27] Taking the teamwork approach
[29:20] Identifying your easy wins
[31:46] Troubleshooting your partner’s potential responses
[32:00] Listener question: “My partner thinks we only need counseling if it ever gets so bad that I think about leaving them.”
[33:56] Listener question: “My partner thinks our relationship is fine and that I’m just nitpicking.”
[37:41] Listener question: “I’ll make specific requests, but then my partner never follows through.”
[40:41] Listener question: “My partner lashes out at me and says I’m not perfect either.”
[43:46] Listener question: “My partner says, ‘I’m a terrible person. Why are you even with me?”
[46:45] Listener question: “My partner says, ‘I don’t feel like talking about this now’ or ‘let’s talk about this later.”
Links & resources
Masterclass: Bring Your Sex Life Back to Life
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!
Take a screenshot of this episode and tag us on instagram @vanessamarintherapy and tell us your biggest takeaway! We can’t wait to hear what steps you’re going to take to talk about sex with your partner.
Want your questions answered on the show? Send us a DM or voice memo @vanessamarintherapy, or leave us a message at +1-774-PIL-LOW1. We’d love to hear from you!