Help! My Partner Hates Self-Improvement!

July 14,2022

You read all the books, listen to all the podcast episodes, and do all the meditations and affirmations. But your partner won’t even read a dang Instagram caption!

What do you do if you value self-improvement and personal development, but your partner just can’t be bothered – or even flat-out refuses?

In today’s episode, we’re giving you the tips and tools to get your partner invested in becoming the best version of themselves.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[4:20] Expectation vs reality

[8:31] A peek at the top 3 on the self-improvement wish list

[11:10] Xander tells Vanessa what he would love for her to improve

[14:01] We admit our deep dark secret

[16:27] Vanessa tells Xander what she would love for him to work on

[18:16] Big Picture Thinking and why it can be so beneficial

[22:29] Examine your reasoning

[23:46] Why your partner is (understandably) not into it

[26:59] How to finesse your approach

[29:20] The elements of what to share to lock in success

[32:20] Slow and steady (and consistent) wins the race

[35:00] Let us be the voice of reason to your partner

[36:45] “I want them to do it on their own!”

[39:06] What to do when you don’t see eye to eye

[44:00] Listener Question #1: He says he has the right to be loved and accepted as he is.

[47:15] Listener Question #2: How to explain to your partner why it is important to you (self improvement) so they do not take it as criticism.

Links & resources

The Hygiene Episode: What to do if your partner isn’t taking care of themselves

Foreplay Guides

Sex Positions Playbook

Dirty Talk 101

Also listen on


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!