The Lowdown On Painful Sex

October 6, 2022


Have you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”?

Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence.

Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be overlooking, so we can take you from groaning in pain to moaning in pleasure.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Three things you need to know about sexual pain
  • How to change your approach to foreplay vs intercourse
  • The specific steps that you can take towards pain-free sex

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[3:27] “I’m 32 years old and I have no idea what vaginal sex is supposed to feel like…”

[9:15] Were you taught that pain is just a part of sex?

[11:56] A plus B equals a complex answer to why it hurts

[15:30] Home remedies for simple sexual pain

[18:04] Don’t just “get through it”

[18:38] Foreplay is not just for before sex

[26:08] It’s OK to slow it down

[28:07] Knowing your angles is half the battle

[30:11] Wanna read up on it? We have some recs!

[30:49] Listener Question #1: “Anything we can do to mitigate size and compatibility?”

[32:35] Listener Question #2: “He always hits my cervix and it hurts.”

[34:39] Listener Question #3: “It seems that all guys need is harder and faster to finish, which can hurt but I can’t tell him not to.”

[37:35] Xander sounds off on partner consideration

Links & resources

Dr Sonia’s Guide to Navigating Pelvic Pain

Healing Painful Sex: A Woman’s Guide To Confronting, Diagnosing, And Treating Sexual Pain by Deborah Coady and Nancy Fish

When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain by Andrew Goldstein

Foreplay Guides

Sex Position Playbook

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