Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?

October 13, 2022


Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses?

Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often.

Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a relationship, and it’s understandable for partners to have needs. How can we honor what our partner wants, while also staying true to ourselves and our boundaries?

Let us walk you through how to identify the real issue in all this gray area and some simple ways to tackle this touchy subject.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • The ways that we’re all set up for failure when it comes to sex
  • Four examples – straight from our community – of people grappling with pressure or guilt
  • What you DO owe your partner (this list might surprise you…)

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[1:30] Let’s talk about the numbers

[8:30] We need some sex coupons 😜

[9:50] Situation #1: “It’s your duty/obligation/you owe me.”

[14:34] Answer #1: How to set a boundary

[15:50] Role reversal advice

[17:31] The skill of initiating sex

[20:10] Situation #2: Avoiding the awkward decline

[22:23] Answer #2: How to gauge what you are willing to give

[30:50] Situation #3: Navigating a major life event or blockages

[31:59] Answer #3: How to work WITH your partner (consistently)

[36:55] Situation #4: Complete sexual shutdown over time

[39:37] Answer #4: The twin flame conversation

[43:27] What is our responsibility in relationships when it comes to physical intimacy?

Links & resources

Sex Drive Types

Initiation 101

Secret Libido (Sex Drive) Killers

Podcast Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?

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