How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument

December 22, 2022

Be honest – if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back? Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument.

We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Ways to communicate with your partner in a way that they can receive it
  • How to remain accountable while expressing yourself honestly
  • The trigger words you need to remove from your vocabulary

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[1:39] Adventures in Mansplaining

[3:49] Caution: feelings spilled all over the place

[10:03] Fight Analysis

[12:42] What you say vs how you say it

[14:55] Triggered by punctuation (or lack thereof)

[16:26] Aaaaand we’re off to the races!

[19:56] Escalation with no accountability

[23:47] Resisting the urge to double down

[25:36] The big speech with a sprinkle of a threat

[32:27] Shifting perspective to see their heart and not their words

[34:25] Turning down the volume

[38:26] The value in vulnerability

[43:25] Missed connections/olive branches

[45:07] The curiosity of understanding vs agreement

[46:34] Going tit for tat is our achilles heel, too

[49:32] Always never means always and never always means nothing

[50:57] How to navigate apologies

[54:51] Coming back together imperfectly

[59:57] It was never about a Christmas train

Links & resources

Mental Load Workbook

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