Getting confident being on top: how to ride Cowgirl (the woman on top sex position)

April 20,2021

“Why don’t you get on top?”

Does that question make your heart skip a beat? 

If so, you’re not alone. A lot of women just don’t feel confident with this sex position.

You might feel awkward knowing what to do with your hips. 

You may have experimented with the pogo-stick style moves you’ve seen in porn, then been embarrassed when your partner slipped out of you. 

Or you may feel self-conscious about what your body looks like when you’re on top. 

A lot of women feel too embarrassed to get on top, which is a shame since it’s one of the best positions for female orgasm!

So today let’s talk about how to get confident riding Cowgirl.  

Tip #1 – Forget what you saw in porn

One of the reasons why so many women freak out about Cowgirl is because of the ways you see it portrayed in porn – bouncing up and slamming down at breakneck speed.

This is a great move to do if you want a major quad workout (seriously, they’ll be on fire in about 8 seconds), but it’s not the best in terms of actual sensation. 

So take the pressure off yourself to act like a porn star, especially when you’re first getting comfortable.

Tip #2 – Get the basics down

OK, now let’s break down exactly how to get started with Cowgirl! 

Have your partner lie flat on their back, and straddle them so that your legs are on each side of their body. 

You’ll be resting on your knees, with your feet pointing back towards their feet. Start off in an upright position, so your bodies are almost perpendicular. 

Take your partner’s penis or dildo in your hand and help guide it into you. (Yes, you often need to guide it with your hand! It won’t always just pop into place!) Slowly lower yourself all the way down. 

If you’re having a hard time with insertion, it’s probably because you’re tensing your muscles. Take a few slow, deep breaths. A little lube can help it slide in easier too. Taking it slow can be a really fun tease for your partner, so don’t worry about them!

Next, slowly start rocking your hips back and forth, so you’re moving towards, then away from the direction of your partner’s head. 

Congrats, you’re riding Cowgirl!

Tip #3 – Set up a practice session

If you’re really shy, you can even practice riding Cowgirl while fully clothed! 

Tell your partner, “I just don’t feel confident being on top. Can we do a few practice sessions so we can figure out what feels best?” 

If you have your clothes on and it’s just “practice”, you’ll feel a lot less self-conscious! 

Tip #4 – Or practice on your own

Another option for shy ladies is to try out the movements on your own! 

Get on your knees on your bed, and stuff some pillows between your legs. Try moving your hips around in a few different ways. 

You’re going to feel a little silly, but go with it! 

Tip #5 – Compare different kinds of movement

There are an endless number of ways to move your body during intercourse! The best way to discover what you like is to experiment. 

After you’ve gotten comfortable rocking back and forth, here are some other movements to try:

Try making one small change at a time, and compare it to what you had been doing previously. 

Tip #6 – Ask your partner to take the lead

Another hot way to explore is to ask your partner to grab your hips and show you a couple of different ways to move. They can guide you through different movements, speeds, and levels of penetration. 

This takes the pressure off of you to be the only person in charge. 

Tip #7 – Focus on your clitoris!

Once you get a bit more comfortable with the basic movements, make sure to pay attention to stimulating your clitoris. You can do this with your hand or a vibrator, or ask your partner to touch you. 

Remember, the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm! So don’t expect Cowgirl to feel amazing without it. 

And remember to have fun! Because enjoying yourself is sexy as hell!!


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!