I work with a lot of long-term couples who are looking to reignite their spark. We all know the deal – sex starts off hot and heavy, but gradually starts to taper off in frequency and intensity.
One of the simplest ways that you can bring some passion back into the bedroom is by trying to make out with your partner more often.
Most long-term couples just don’t spend much time making out. We give each other little pecks, or spend 10 seconds kissing before we move on to sex, but we rarely take the time to slow down and enjoy a good ol’ makeout session.
If you’re in a relationship, try to think about the last time you made out with your partner. I’m talking old school teenager-style making out. Go ahead, take a moment.
Can you think of a recent, specific example? I’m willing to bet that you can’t!
When I’m working with a new couple, one of the questions I’ll ask is, “what do you miss about your sex life?” Almost every time, I hear some variation of, “we used to spend hours just making out! I miss that!”
Try right now to remember one of those early makeout sessions that you and your partner shared when you first started dating. What did it feel like to lose yourselves in each other’s lips?
Making out is fun in and of itself, but it also has a wonderful way of opening the door to even more intimacy. If your partner approaches you and says, “it has been a while. Should we have sex?” odds are that your walls are going to go right up. But if you and your partner have been making out, you’re more likely to feel more connected and more in the moment. You’re more tuned in to pleasure. You might even feel a little giggly or reminiscent thinking about how long it has been since your last makeout session. Those barriers to intimacy just melt away.
I shared this tip with a couple I worked with recently, and got this email update from them:
“That little trick about making out that you suggested worked surprisingly well. Dave* first initiated a makeout session when we were getting into bed for the night. It had been a long day and I was exhausted. Definitely not in the mood to be intimate. When he asked to make out, I was a little hesitant, but I knew it wouldn’t take a ton of energy on my part. Once we were making out though… damn… it became another story entirely! Things heated up so quickly. We spent a long time just kissing, then we ended up making love. We even made out for a while afterwards! Kissing made sex feel not only less cumbersome, but more enticing. If Dave had asked me to have sex, I would have turned him down no question.”
Here are a couple of kissing-centric ideas to try out:
- Make it a “rule” that you’ll have mini make-out sessions every time you say goodbye or hello.
- Or try making out as your goodnight kiss.
- If your partner has been hesitant about your sexual initiations, say something like, “I miss making out with you. Do you want to come over here and just kiss? We don’t have to do anything other than that.”
- Send each other text messages or emails saying that you want to make out later.
- Ever played a drinking game while watching TV? Try turning it into a makeout game instead! Any time you see a couple on TV making out, you have to make out too. Or make it even more random, like every time someone is wearing a red shirt, you have to make out.
Time to grab your partner and lock those lips!
* names changed for privacy.
