Do you know your bedroom personality type?

August 15,2019

Do you want to know your sexual personality type?

You might already know that you’re an ENTJ in Myers–Briggs, or a 3 on the Enneagram. But do you know your personality type in the bedroom?

For a few years now, I’ve had this idea of creating my own model of sexual personalities. I want to help you better understand your sexual needs (and your partner’s sexual needs), so you can create an exceptional sex life.

My model isn’t finished yet, but I thought it would be fun to get your feedback during the development stage! So are you open to learning more about what makes you tick, sexually?

The guiding principle behind my model is that we all have different relationships with sex because there are different aspects of sex that are important to each of us. If we understand why we have sex, and what we’re looking to get out of it, it can help us communicate those needs to our partner, create the right environment for us to feel desire, and, ultimately, lead to some pretty damn great sex! 

Below, you’ll find my list of 11 sexual personality types, plus short descriptions of the major motivations for each one. As you read over the list, try to get a sense of which qualities you value and why. 

I’m thinking about creating a “top three” version of my model, where you pick your three personalities and rank them in order of which qualities are most important to you. 

Let me know if this idea resonates for you! Maybe there’s just one type that really jumps out to you, or maybe you find yourself relating to more than three. Let me know!

The 11 Sexual Personality Types

The Decompresser

For you, sex is all about stress relief. Sex is a way that you blow off steam and unwind. You may masturbate for the same reasons too. Orgasms are important to you because they bring about that feeling of relief or release. Sex just doesn’t feel complete without that feeling. 

The Explorer

Sex is your playground! You’re all about novelty. You’re curious about sex, and you love learning, experimenting, and trying new things. You like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. You may read articles or books about sex, and you may even have signed up for one of my courses! 

The Fair-Trader

For The Fair-Trader, generosity is most important quality of sex. You want to know that your partner enjoys giving just as much as you enjoy receiving. It’s important to you that you and your partner are both willing and enthusiastic. You like knowing that you’re both open to each other’s needs.

The Giver

You view sex and pleasure as a gift that you give to you partner. Your partner’s sexual experience is at least as important to you as your own, and probably even more so. It makes you feel good to know that you can make your partner feel good.

The Guardian

For you, it’s extremely important for sex to feel safe. Your boundaries are important to you, as is enthusiastic consent. You may have experienced sexual abuse in your past, which has caused you to seek out safety as an adult. Or you may simple like feeling that bond of trust and security with a partner before and while being intimate. 

The Passion-Pursuer

You like sex to feel all-encompassing, intense, and passionate. Even animalistic. You love the idea of letting go and losing yourself in the moment. For you, the best sex is when time seems to stand still. 

The Pleasure-Seeker

For you, sex is about pure physical pleasure. You just like to feel good! You may even be confused about all of these different personality types, because you think sex is just one of those simple pleasures in life. You enjoy touch and physical contact throughout the day too.

The Prioritizer

The most important thing for you is that sex is something that you and your partner prioritize over other things in your life. You value your sex life, and you’re willing to spend time on it. You like sex to be consistent. You may even like having a specific routine with your sex life. 

The Romantic

Sex is all about connection for you. You want to experience real emotional intimacy with your partner while you’re being physical. It’s important for both you and your partner to feel present in the moment with each other. Sometimes you may like slower, more drawn out sex. You like exchanging “I love you”s during sex, or making eye contact. 

The Spiritualist

You enjoy sex that connects you to a higher purpose. You think sex should be a transcendent experience. You may be religious, or you may enjoy Eastern philosophies like Tantra. 

The Thrill-Seeker

For you, there’s a thrill to having sex that feels forbidden or taboo. You may enjoy an element of power play in your sex life. Whereas The Explorer simply likes exploration for exploration’s sake, you crave that sense of the taboo. 

OK, there you have it, my 11 sex personality types!

Some things for you to think about:


How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having?


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!