One of the first signs of a sex life that’s slowing down is that you and your partner stop kissing as frequently.

Most of my clients have stories about how much they enjoyed kissing in the early stages of their relationship.

“We spent our first few dates making out for hours”

“I couldn’t get enough of her lips”

“We enjoyed making out just for the sake of making out. It didn’t need to lead to sex or anything else. Just making out was enough”

But as most relationships progress, things change. Kissing no longer becomes an activity that becomes worthy of being the main event. Like other forms of foreplay, making out gets skipped over in order to get straight to sex. Quick pecks or hugs replace proper kisses during “hellos” and “goodbyes”.

But something else happens with making out. Something even more harmful to a relationship.

Couples start to view making out with the expectation that sex is supposed to come next. This makes many couples start to shy away even further from making out. The walls come up, and people start to feel prickly and guarded when their partner comes in for a kiss.

“I don’t want to send the wrong signal to him”

“I don’t want to get her aroused and then disappoint her”

And what happens when couples stop kissing as much? The overall level of intimacy goes down in the relationship. Partners stop feeling as connected to each other. Physical and emotional distance start to build.

So this weekend, your Sexperiment is to try to bring more kissing back into your relationship. Make out in the morning (it’s fine to wait until after you’ve both brushed your teeth!). Make out on the sofa. Give each other kisses as you pass each other in the hall. Smooch in car in the parking lot of the grocery store. Make out in a dark movie theater.

I also want you to have at least one make-out session this weekend that doesn’t lead to anything other than more kissing. All you’re allowed to do in that interaction is make out. Tell each other beforehand that this is your “kissing only” time, so you can each relax, let go of expectation, and enjoy the moment.

If you really want to dive into this Sexperiment, ban any other type of sexual activity for the whole weekend! Only allowing yourselves to make out will really increase the sexual tension between the two of you.

When the weekend is over, take some time to talk about the role of kissing in your relationship. Did you realize that you’ve stopped making out? Do you feel pressured to make kissing lead to sex? Are you pulling away from each other’s invitations to be connected and intimate? And most importantly – how would you like to change your current relationship with making out?

 

Happy Sexperimenting!