Welcome to The Weekend Sexperiment! Each Friday, I alternate between The Weekend Sexperiment and Reader’s Request Fridays. In TWS posts, I offer a simple sex therapy homework assignment to try out over the weekend. Some experiments are geared towards couples, but others are suitable for single folks. As always, please feel free to contact me if you have a certain topic you’d like to see covered. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.
This week’s Sexperiment is geared towards couples who have been together for a relatively long period of time.
As I’ve said here many times before, long-term couples tend to get into ruts sexually. It’s hard for the same act with the same person to feel novel when you’ve done it hundreds or thousands of times!
This weekend, your task is to go back in time and revisit one of your first sexual encounters with each other.
Talk together about a couple of your “firsts” with each other (i.e. first long make-out session, first blowjob, first time having intercourse, first sleepover, etc), and decide which one you’d like to go back to.
Try to pick the event that sticks out in your minds as being the most erotic and exciting. It may have been that time you sat in the park kissing under the stars, a steamy all-night tumble in a hotel room, or quick mutual masturbation session in the bathroom at a party.
Once you agree on one particular event, take turns telling the story of what happened in as much detail as possible. Let yourselves sink into the memory, and flesh out exactly what happened.
Try to remember all of your senses from the memory – what did you see and hear going on around you? What was the eye contact like? What were the sensations of touching your partner, and your partner touching you? Where on each other’s bodies did you touch, kiss, penetrate? Did you taunt or tease each other with your caresses? What did your partner’s mouth taste like? How did their skin smell?
Next, your task is to see how creative you can get in recreating that fateful event.
Before making any decisions about what you’re actually going to do, let yourselves brainstorm freely about the possibilities. How about going back to the same location it took place? Do you still have the clothes you were wearing? Consider role-play meeting each other for the first time or pretending not to know each other very well. Was there certain music playing? What about showing up to the location separately? What did you do before you started hooking up?
Once you’ve spent plenty of time brainstorming, decide what you would actually feel comfortable doing.
You may not be able to travel across the country to be in the city where you first had sex, but you might be able to book a room at the same hotel brand. Maybe you don’t want to make out in public again, but you would feel fine replicating the kissing in your backyard.
Together, decide how you want to map out the tryst, and then go for it! Of course it’s going to be different than the first time around, but see if you can let yourself sink into the experience and remember all of the excitement of doing something with your partner for the first time.