Popular sex columnist Dan Savage is well-known for coining the term “GGG” to describe the ideal sex partner. The three G’s stand for “good”, meaning that you’ve put time into learning sexual skills and techniques; “giving”, in that you give pleasure freely and without expectation of reciprocity from your partner; and “game”, implying that you are willing to try almost anything within reason. Savage’s hypothesis was always backed by common sense, but some interesting research conducted last year finally gave him some scientific evidence of the validity of his ideas. While listening to one of his podcasts from the summer of last year, I heard him interview Canadian researcher Amy Muise, PhD. Muise and a few of her colleagues interviewed dozens of long-term couples to see if they could find any connections between being “GGG” and sexual satisfaction. Though their sample size was obviously quite small, the team did find that being “GGG” was not only beneficial to that person’s partner, but was also beneficial to the “GGG” person themselves. People greatly enjoyed having partners who were interested in giving them pleasure, curious about their sexual desires, and communicative about their sex lives. Being a “GGG” partner also kept that person in touch with their own sexuality and levels of desire. When both partners were “GGG”, both members of the couple felt higher levels of sexual desire and reported being able to keep the “spark” alive in their relationship, even after decades of being together.

As a sex therapist, I am not surprised by these findings, but I am glad to see this kind of research being done. I have anecdotally come across the same findings myself when working with couples. I have watched relationships blossom when both clients devoted themselves to being good sexual partners for each other. Who wouldn’t want a partner who was curious about your sexuality, was invested in giving you pleasure, took the time to explore different ways of expressing yourselves sexually, was giving and generous to you, and made sex and intimacy a priority in your relationship?

It isn’t always easy to be so generous towards your partner. Sex can bring up a lot for a couple, and any other issues present in the couple’s lives tend to surface in sex. Many couples tend to use sex as a way to express the anger, resentment, disinterest, and frustration that are a normal part of life and relationships. Sometimes couples need help to work through the issues in their relationship and protect their sexual spark. Do you struggle with being “GGG” for your partner? Has your sex life been affected by other aspects of your life? Is the spark gone in your relationship? Call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.