Reader’s Request Friday: Safe Sex

August 31,2012

Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays. As a reminder, I’ll be addressing one reader email per week, so if you have a specific question you’d like answered or a topic you’d like covered, please email me at If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.

This week’s question comes from Amanda*. She writes:

“Hi Vanessa,
I’ve been dating this new guy for a few months now. We’re starting to get more serious and he doesn’t want to wear condoms anymore. He got tested two weeks ago and said he came back clean. Is it safe for us to stop using condoms?”

This is a great question, and one that I get asked very frequently. With the STD rate approaching 1 in 3 sexually active individuals, it’s important to be concerned about safe sex. There are currently 65 million people with STDs in the U.S., with 19 million more contracting an infection every year.

While I encourage everyone to get tested regularly, it is not a foolproof method for avoiding STDs. There are several reasons why:

There are other important factors to consider when it comes to safe sex:

I can understand the desire to avoid condom usage, but it’s very difficult to stay disease-free without them. I hope the information I provided will help you think seriously about your decision. Thank you for your question Amanda!

*Names have been changed for privacy


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!