Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays. As a reminder, I’ll be addressing one reader email per week, so if you have a specific question you’d like answered or a topic you’d like covered, please email me. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.

This week’s question comes from Kiersten*. She writes, “I think I need therapy, but I’m too embarrassed to talk about my specific issues. What should I do?”

Hi Kiersten,
This is a brave question to ask! I get a lot of calls from people who are interested in therapy, but too embarrassed to say their problem out loud. Shame is a very powerful emotion, and unfortunately one that many of us are all too familiar with.

The good news is that the simple act of saying your issue out loud can be tremendously gratifying. Many of us suffer for years without even acknowledging that there is a problem. I have worked with many people who broke down crying from relief after finally being able to be honest about their problem, and many of them reported that this candor was one of the defining moments of their therapy.

If you do decide to seek therapy, I think it is important to choose a therapist wisely, and go slowly. Interview several therapists either over the phone or in person to get a sense of whether or not you feel comfortable around them. See if they have warm, inviting demeanors. Ask what they do with clients who have sensitive issues. When you do pick someone, you can tell them you are nervous about sharing. A competent therapist should help you pace yourself and not share everything too quickly. Sometimes I will have entire sessions with clients where we talk about the problem without even explicitly saying what the problem is.

Good luck Kiersten.

*Names have been changed for privacy