Tell me if this sounds sexy to you: 

“So, uh, I guess it’s been a while, huh?”

Last week I talked about how no one really likes to initiate sex. (Missed that? You can find it right here!)

Because initiation is such a challenge for most of us, we end up committing initiation mistake #2…

Initiation and consideration mistake #2 – initiating in joking or roundabout ways

Most of us are so uncomfortable with the vulnerability of initiation that we try to take the easy route with it. We try to turn it into a joke, or try to just hint at what we want. 

Here are some of the not-so-successful ways my clients have tried to initiate sex:

• Trying to give “the look”, without saying anything. (Then your partner says something like, “Are you ok? Do you have something in your eye?”)
• Staying up late reading your book or looking at your phone, not saying anything, but secretly hoping your partner gets the hint. 
• Walking up behind a female partner and reaching around to squeeze her breasts in a “comedic” way. (This seems to be one of the top five ways heterosexual men initiate! And one of heterosexual women’s top five most hated initiation tactics!!)
• Quietly rustling in bed, trying to make it obvious to your partner that you’re still awake.
• Making a gross or crude joke, like, “If we don’t do it soon I’m going to grow cobwebs down there.” (Yes, this is an actual story I heard from a client!)
• A loud sigh.

Yes, initiation is tough. But if you’re already working up the courage to put yourself out there, don’t shoot yourself in the foot by being vague or making a joke out of it!

Your action item for the week: 

It’s time to come up with some better initiation strategies!

Ask yourself these questions:

• “Have I been initiating in ways that my partner would actually want to say yes to?”
• “Do I know specific ways to initiate that my partner would enjoy?”