What to do if you have performance anxiety about your orgasm

December 01,2020

Orgasms are supposed to be a lot of fun. 

But ironically, they also cause some of the worst sexual anxiety!

So today we’re tackling…

Performance Anxiety: “I’m Anxious About My Orgasm.”

This performance anxiety can take many forms:

Whatever the specific case is for you, worrying about your orgasm can suck all of the fun out of sex. You get so fixated on those final few seconds that you’re not able to enjoy anything else!

What you need to know

Orgasm is a skill. 

And like any other skill, it takes time, patience, and practice to perfect!

Want to last longer? You need to learn that skill!

Want to orgasm faster? You need to learn that skill!

Want to have an orgasm, period? You need to learn that skill!

Want to orgasm with a partner? You guessed it… this is a skill too! 

What to try

Here’s the absolute most important orgasm tip I can give you:

Explore orgasm on your own the way you would want to orgasm with your partner.

If you want to last longer…

Practice lasting longer during your masturbation sessions. 

This sounds so obvious, but the reality is that most people race to the finish line during masturbation. This only primes your body to orgasm as quickly as possible. 

So if you want to last longer with your partner, focus on lasting longer on your own. 

If you want to orgasm faster…

You’re going to do the exact opposite. 

Practice honing in on your technique, so you figure out exactly what your body responds best to in the first place. 

If you want to learn how to have an orgasm…

Focus on getting there on your own before you attempt getting there with a partner.

Never had an orgasm? Here’s a great guide to exploring your orgasm if you’ve never had one!

If you’re able to orgasm on your own, but you struggle getting there with a partner…
Practice using different techniques on your own. Don’t just keep using the same technique over and over. 

You’ll get your body accustomed to responding to a wider variety of sensation, which will make it easier to orgasm with a partner.

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HI THERE!

I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!