Cosmopolitan recently asked me to contribute to a great article called “Why My Husband And I Went To Couples Therapy Before We Needed It — And You Should Too.” Writer Laura Beck describes how she and her husband decided to go to couples therapy even though they didn’t have any major issues in their relationship. Beck writes,

“At the time, Jonas [her husband] had a friend who mentioned to him that he and his long-term girlfriend decided to go to couples therapy before they had anything ‘big’ going on, like marriage or kids. They wanted to learn about each other’s communication styles, and how they could talk openly about the small stuff before it became the giant stuff. Jonas mentioned this to me and I wanted to try it too… 

Going in, I was a little worried we were being dramatic. After all, we got along so well most of the time; would I be introducing problems into the relationship that didn’t exist? In the past when we didn’t get along, I always thought: Isn’t it a sign of a healthy relationship to be able to fight, speak your mind, and disagree? But still, my hope that we would be able to talk through things and understand each other better won out over my fears. This is a relationship I wanted to last, so I figured I’d rather deal with the inevitable stuff now than later.”

Beck reached out to me to ask for my thoughts about going to counseling before things are bad.

The vast majority of couples wait far too long to go to therapy. Unfortunately, therapy is often seen as a last-ditch resort. It’s what you do if you’re one step away from breaking up. But it’s really hard for even the most skillful therapist to help a couple save their relationship from the brink of a break-up.

I’m obviously biased, but I think there are so many benefits to couples therapy, and I always recommend that couples go before they think they need to!

Couples therapy helps you learn how to solve problems more effectively. You’re always going to have problems and fights throughout the entire duration of your relationship, so learning effective problem solving as soon as possible is crucial.

Couples therapy teaches you how to communicate. It helps you learn how to truly listen to each other. It helps you understand what you’re actually fighting about (often, the thing that you’re fighting about is just the surface; it’s not the actual issue).

Therapy also helps you feel like you’re working together as a team to create a relationship that feels happy and healthy for you both.

It also helps you put each other first, and prioritize your relationship. Beck writes, “… the simple act of meeting once a week and talking kept our relationship itself in the forefront. Just knowing we had that time carved out allowed us to shrug off the little stuff during the week, because we knew we could talk about it in a chill space with a mediator we trusted. It felt really good.”

The skills that you gain in therapy can last a lifetime. Bech writes, “As the months passed and we learned new skills, we both decided that we didn’t necessarily need a mediator anymore. Although we no longer go to couples therapy, we keep the lessons with us — setting aside time for weekly check-ins, communicating with each other in ways that make sense to both of us, and truly listening to each other. I feel more like part of a team than I ever have before, and I am so thankful to couples therapy for that gift.”

I highly, highly recommend getting into the habit of regular couples therapy. The earlier on in your relationship you can learn how to successfully communicate, resolve issues, and work as a team, the less likely they’ll be to turn into huge, relationship-ending problems.

Plus, couples therapy can actually be a lot of fun if you’re doing it to strengthen – rather than save – your relationship!