What's Your Sex Personality Type?

You might already know that you’re an ENTJ in Myers–Briggs, or a 3 on the Enneagram. But do you know your personality type in the bedroom?


The guiding principle behind this model is that we’re all looking for different things out of sex. We all define “great sex” in different ways.  

If we understand why we have sex, and what we’re looking to get out of it, it can help us communicate those needs to our partner, create the right environment for us to feel desire, and, ultimately, lead to some pretty damn great sex!

Below, you’ll find my list of 11 sexual personality types, plus short descriptions of the major motivations for each one. As you read over the list, try to get a sense of which qualities you value and why.  

You’ll probably relate to more than one type, but try to pick your absolute favorite. You can also pick your top three, and put them in order.

The Decompresser

For you, sex is all about stress relief.

Sex is a way that you blow off steam and unwind. You may seek out sex because you’re feeling tense, or you may simply enjoy spending time basking in the afterglow when sex is over. Maybe you like how sex puts you right into a deep sleep afterwards! You may masturbate for the same reasons too. Orgasms are important to you because they bring about that feeling of relief or release. Sex just doesn’t feel complete without that.

The Explorer

Sex is your playground! You're all about novelty.

You're curious about sex, and you love learning, experimenting, and trying new things. You like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. You don't take sex seriously, and you can laugh about it if your explorations don't work out perfectly. You may read articles and books about sex, and you may even have signed up for one of my courses!

The Fair-Trader

For The Fair-Trader, generosity is most important quality of sex.

You like for there to be a balance. You want to know that your partner enjoys giving just as much as you enjoy receiving, and vice versa. It’s important to you that you and your partner are both willing and enthusiastic. You like knowing that you're both open to each other's needs, and willing to work together.

The Giver

You view sex and pleasure as a gift that you give to your partner.

Your partner’s sexual experience is at least as important to you as your own, and probably even more so. You’re very in tune with your partner’s experience, and it makes you feel good to know that you can make your partner feel good. You may also struggle with receiving.

The Guardian

For you, it's extremely important for sex to feel safe.

You like feeling that foundation of security with your partner and with yourself. Your boundaries are important to you, as is enthusiastic consent. You may have experienced sexual abuse in your past, which has led you to seek out safety as an adult. Or you may simple like feeling that bond of trust and security with a partner before and while being intimate.

The Passion-Pursuer

You like sex to feel all-encompassing, intense, and passionate.

Maybe even animalistic. You're very in tune with the energy between you and your partner during sex. You love the idea of letting fo and losing yourself in the moment. For you, the best sex is when time seems to stand still.

The Pleasure-Seeker

For you, sex is about pure physical pleasure.

You just like to feel good! You may even be confused about all of these different personality types, because you think sex is just one of those simple pleasures in life. You enjoy touch and physical contact throughout the day too. You don’t need to feel emotional connection with someone to have great sex with them. You may be a kinesthetic type of person - you learn by doing, and you’re tactile.

The Prioritizer

The most important thing for you is that sex is something that you and your partner prioritize over other things in your life.

You don’t want to make excuses about being too busy or tired; you want to be intimate before that. You value your sex life, and you’re willing to spend time on it and make sacrifices for it. You like sex to be consistent. You may even like having a specific routine with how often you have sex.

The Romantic

Sex is all about connection for you.

You want to experience real emotional intimacy with your partner while you’re being physical. It’s important for both you and your partner to feel present in the moment with each other. Sometimes you may like slower, more drawn out sex. You like exchanging “I love you”s during sex, or making eye contact.

The Spiritualist

You enjoy sex that connects you to a higher purpose.

You think sex should be a transcendent experience. Sex is bigger than what's happening in the body. You may be religious, or you may enjoy Eastern philosophies like Tantra.

The Thrill-Seeker

For you, there’s a thrill to having sex that feels forbidden or taboo.

You may enjoy an element of power play in your sex life, like allowing your partner to dominate you, or dominating your partner. Whereas The Explorer simply likes exploration for exploration's sake, you crave that sense of the taboo.


The Most Important (And Surprising!) Quality That Determines Your Sexual Compatibility

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If you and your partner have wildly different Sex Personality Types, you might be wondering about whether or not you’re actually compatible with each other in the bedroom.

It’s a really painful question to consider, especially if your relationship is strong outside of the bedroom. Should you end an otherwise great relationship because the sex isn’t awesome? Or should you endure a lifetime of disconnected, unpleasurable sex?


Take your sex life from ordinary to extraordinary!

I’m Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom. I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. I’m a licensed psychotherapist, and have been working in the sex therapy field since 2002. I’ve helped thousands of people transform their sex lives!

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