Why is it so hard to talk to your partner about sex? You talk about everything else, but the minute it becomes about your sex life, they shut down. It’s not just you! In our recent Instagram poll, 52% of people reported having this issue with a partner.
In this episode, we dissect the four most common reasons why partners refuse to talk about sex, and help you understand the reasons your partner may behave this way. We give you specific examples of what to say (and not say) so you can get past the stonewalling and dismissal and have open and real conversations about your sex life.
So if you’re ready to break down some walls and create the intimacy you desire, then tune in!
Here’s a glance at this episode:
[7:35] Instagram poll results
[12:22] Why shouldn’t we talk about sex?
[16:49] When your partner seems indifferent
[19:10] How it feels to be the avoidant partner
[21:04] Determining the emotions behind the dismissal
[22:07] Breaking through self-protection
[24:44] Setting the stage for a thoughtful conversation
[26:37] When you’re getting stonewalled
[27:19] The backlash of emotional flooding
[28:36] Addressing the conversation with a separate conversation
[37:12] When your partner becomes defensive
[39:00] How to express intention while acknowledging their feelings
[40:33] Stopping defensiveness in its tracks with a little reframing
[43:51] Talking sex is a team sport
[44:31] When your partner is a deflector
[45:19] If it’s an issue for one of you, it’s an issue for both of you
[49:32] When your partner believes it doesn’t bear discussion
[51:14] When your partner tears themselves down
[53:02] A request, not a judgement
[54:57] When it’s a trauma response
Links & resources
Our Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life
Free Guide: The Survivor’s Guide
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!
Also listen on
