A new documentary that aired last month tackled the hugely important topic of sex and disability. Titled Can Have Sex Will Have Sex, the show was created by the UK’s Channel 4. It follows four disabled people as they struggle in various ways with their sexualities. One man is a virgin because a lifelong physical handicap has prevented him from having sex. Another was recently paralyzed and has lost his ability to achieve an erection. Rounding out the group are a man with Cerebral Palsy, and a woman with brittle bone syndrome.
I commend these extraordinarily brave people for allowing the most intimate aspects of their lives to be filmed for public consumption. While it’s true that sometimes these types of reality TV shows can be more about exploitation and entertainment, I hope that viewers are able to find compassion and a deeper sense of understanding for those struggling with disability. It’s very rare that disability has a place in conversations about sexuality. I’m guilty of it myself all too frequently – as I was writing last week’s post about working with your body and the touch map, I recognized that I hadn’t even acknowledged disability in quite a long time. I’ve given tips about working with sex that aren’t physically, mentally, or psychologically possible for so many people.
It’s important to note that there are many different types of disability, and each can affect sexuality in different ways. Logistical issues like time, privacy, location, and independence that so many able-bodied folks take for granted can pose huge challenges. Having a physical handicap like paralysis or the loss of a limb can make the act of sex logistically difficult – it can be difficult to maneuver into positions, hold your partner, or move around during sex. Those with chronic pain issues may be unable to participate in sex, or may experience pain in their genitals. Many of those with paralysis can’t feel sensation in their genitals, and men may be unable to get or maintain an erection. People with mental handicaps might have to battle with caretakers not believing they are competent enough to engage in intimacy. Those with psychiatric disorders may notice a decrease in sex drive, or the sexual side effects that accompany many psychiatric medications.
Obviously, I’m barely scratching the surface with this post. If you’re interested in a deeper dive into sex and disability, I recommend the following books:
