We’re Vanessa and Xander Marin. A lot of people on the internet call us “That Sex Couple.”
Vanessa’s a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience in the sex therapy field. Xander’s a regular dude who’s been married to a sex therapist for over a decade. (Which makes him very popular at parties!)
Our mission is to take the intimidation out of getting intimate.
We’re here to make you laugh while giving you the courage to talk openly about sex and relationships so you can have more fun in the bedroom.
But let’s get one thing out of the way first: it’s not your fault if your sex life feels a little… well, disappointing.
You’ve been lied to.
Hollywood makes it look like earth-shattering, simultaneous orgasms happen in 30 seconds flat. (Ugh, can you feel our collective eye roll?)
If you compare your sex life to what you see on the screen, then you’re probably thinking, “Is this really IT?” You can’t help but feel let down!
To make matters even worse, we live in a society where talking about sex is discouraged. Instead of chatting about it with our friends or partners, we keep quiet and silence our struggles.
Sex is a major part of our lives but many of us have been conditioned to treat it as this shameful thing-that-must-not-be-named.
But the reality is that 99.9% of us struggle with our sex life in one way or another.
Maybe you’ve never had an orgasm.
Or stress and exhaustion are preventing you from enjoying sex.
Maybe you and your partner have mismatched libidos.
Or you’re not even sure what you like in bed.
The most important thing you need to know is that you’re not alone.
So many people are going through the exact same challenges, but because talking about sex is taboo, you feel like you’re the only one.
And that’s where we come in...
Where The Magic Happens: Practical, Approachable Sex And Relationship Advice
A lot of sex tips only talk about what happens between the sheets and most relationship advice never addresses what goes on in the bedroom. But we talk about both! Your dynamic as a couple doesn’t miraculously change once you get naked. No one wants to hop in bed with their S.O. after fighting about the “right way” to hang the toilet paper roll. (Over, not under, y’all!) And it’s hard for your relationship to feel solid if you can’t remember the last time you had sex.
Our work hits that sweet spot between education and action. We give you the foundational information you need AND follow it up with step-by-step strategies for what to DO with that info. We’re not gonna leave you hanging with a bunch of cool facts about the clitoris and no clue how to actually make it feel good!
Ready to take your sex life from ordinary to extraordinary?
Here’s your first order of business...
Get your butt on our email list!
We cover juicy topics like:
- How to make time in your busy life for sex and intimacy.
- How to have more and better orgasms.
- How to know if you’re truly compatible with your partner.
You’ll also be the first to hear about free videos, masterclasses, new courses, and top-secret offers!
Plus you’ll get our FREE guide: How To Start Talking About Sex With Your Partner – Even If You Never Have Before as a thank you for RSVP-ing to our email party!
How To Start Talking About Sex With Your Partner – Even If You Never Have Before.
Uncover how to keep your relationship happy and healthy with this crucial guide
Now that we’re email pals, here are some other ways we can help you take charge of your sex life:
- Curious what happens behind the scenes in a sex therapy business? Follow us on Instagram. We show up there every day to share shockingly personal stories from the most intimate aspects of our relationship. Plus we answer your burning sex questions (PSA: if sex actually burns — see a doctor!), dole out bite-sized sex and relationship tips, and so much more.
- Looking to spice things up in the bedroom? We’ve put together a 30-day sex challenge to help you pump some surprise and excitement into your sex life. This challenge will gently nudge you out of your comfort zone without requiring the flexibility of a Cirque du Soleil performer! Click here to enroll in the 30 Day Sex Challenge.
- Never had an orgasm? It’s way more common than you’d think and it’s not too late to learn. That’s why Vanessa created Finishing School, an in-depth online course for women that will teach you how to orgasm on your own and with a partner. Click here to learn more about Finishing School.
- So you’re hungry for more… We’ve got you covered with a full roster of downloadable guides, masterclasses, and online courses. From our step-by-step Ultimate Foreplay Guides to the Relationship Care Package we’ll help you take your sex life to the next level, no matter where you’re starting from. Click here to check out all of our offerings.
Get To Know The Gang
I’m a licensed psychotherapist and serious goofball. You know what drives me nuts? The fact that sex is one of the main reasons couples break up. This is a totally solvable problem, but we have to start talking about it. Hang with me, friend and I’ll give you the tools you need to strengthen your relationship and have a bangin’ sex life to boot!
I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. I’ve been featured in thousands — yes, THOUSANDS — of magazines and online articles as a sex expert. You may have seen me in O, The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, Harper’s Bazaar, and Refinery29. I’ve also written pieces for Allure, LifeHacker, Bustle, and a little news outlet called The New York Times.
- I’m 5’0”. I spent most of my life desperately wishing for a few more inches, but I’ve finally embraced being a shorty
- I’m one of the biggest bookworms you’ll ever meet, and I’m always reading multiple books at the same time.
- I love weightlifting, and I’m currently the strongest I’ve ever been in my life!
- One of my favorite parts of my relationship with Xander is traveling with him. We like making last-minute plans, doing road trips all over the globe, and sampling as much of the local cuisine as possible.
I’m the resident penis-owner here. I used to work at Google but quit when I realized it’s way more fun to talk about sex with my wife all day. While Vanessa’s the certified sex expert, I bring the regular dude perspective to our work. Together as a couple, we’re here to show you that it’s possible to get more comfortable and confident talking about sex.
- I’m an avid surfer and spend most mornings in the ocean.
- I’m 6’0”, and the one-foot height difference between Vanessa and me makes for some interesting… moments.
- I love sci-fi novels and films (DM me your recommendations!)
I’m Vanessa and Xander’s right-hand woman! I handle all the operations of the business, and support the team in every way possible.
- I’m a huge animal lover and have two pugs (Phineas and Tristen) and a bearded dragon.
- I’m a fine artist and work in painting, photography, and creative writing.
- My form of meditation is long-distance running and I’m currently training to run the Big Sur Marathon.
- I also love music (and dancing) and try to go to a new music festival every year.
I’m Vanessa’s sister. I’m the design gal, but I also edit and manage our YouTube channel, create course content, and update our website.
- I’m a big Harry Potter nerd, and make a point to re-read the entire series every year. (What’s better than reading HP during the holidays??)
- I love cooking and baking, and regularly spend my time experimenting in the kitchen.
- I recently completed my 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training, but you’ll frequently find me at one of the world’s largest Zumba classes.
I help with all things social media and marketing!
- I’ve visited over 20 National Parks and my goal is to see them all.
- I love the arts and have performed Off-Broadway in NYC.
- I’m passionate about sustainability (especially composting) and have worked at a zero-waste store in the past.
I help ensure our customers are happy and well taken care of. I assist in answering questions about courses we offer, gathering requests + feedback from our community, and maintaining relationships with our audience through our support address.
- I feel happiest when I am rollerblading through the city!
- I am passionate about sustainable gardening and grow tons of fruits and veggies each year. I regularly volunteer building home gardens + providing education for families in my area.
- I am a low brow painter and love creating wacky cartoons and comics drenched in explosive color - especially when my Chocolate Labrador is the subject!
We’re hardcore dog people, with a special emphasis on pugs (we live for curly tails and wrinkled faces). If you hear weird noises during one of our IG stories this crew is usually to blame.
Winston and Maggie
OK, maybe we don’t really do too much business-wise, but we sure do look cute, don’t we?
- Winston: I lived internationally for almost three years!
- Maggie: I was rescued from a terrible backyard breeding/animal hoarding situation, and am now enjoying living a spoiled life with my brother!
Phineas and Tristen
- Phineas: Traveled to Paris when I was 2 (loved it). I’m about to turn 12, but often get mistaken for a puppy. My outrageously long tongue is always a crowd pleaser!
- Tristen: Opposite of a picky-eater, my favorite snacks are carrots and apples. Won’t turn down a howl to my favorite song, “Ho Hey” by The Lumineers.
I help my dad manage the website and makes sure he gets up to exercise every couple hours.
- Loves to run and herd. I will play and chase after you for hours!
- Will never turn down a tug-a-war match.
Kimchi and Carlton
We're a pair of international pugs who love to cuddle.
- Kimchi: I was rescued from a breeder in South Korea. I now spend my days in Los Angeles sunning my belly and trying to get into the trash.
- Carlton: I know how to party. I love to climb mountains, eat bananas, and got my first round of shots in Tijuana.
I’m the team’s web person. I’m in charge of handling everything related to the website and making sure it operates and runs smoothly. Occasionally, I work up some magic and help the team build out new content.
- I’ve been a developer for at least 11 years now and counting!
- I used to be in Martial Arts and can meditate up to 3 hours long.
- I’m a huge gamer.
I wrote the words on this page! I'm a copywriter and I work with the team to get their message out into the world so they can help more people have better, hotter sex.
- I’m a fellow pug-lover. I’ve got two wrinkle-faced angels — Carlton & Kimchi — who curl up and snore by my feet while I’m writing.
- I love to sew anything with sequins, faux fur, and lots of color. I used to have my own line of festival-inspired clothing.
- Before starting my copywriting business, I worked in casting at a major TV studio.
And a special shout-out to Dave, who handles all of our email marketing, but doesn’t do About pages!
What We Believe In
Vanessa Marin Sex Therapy is rooted in the following core values:
1. We believe that everyone deserves an extraordinary relationship and sex life.
We think that, with the right guidance, everyone has the capacity to create the relationship of their dreams.
Yes, even you!
2. But we also believe that you have to actively work on it!
Society sends us the message that if we’re truly soulmates, things will just happen “naturally.” You won’t have to work on your relationship because you’ll be wildly compatible right from the get-go.
We couldn’t disagree more.
(And we really hate the word “natural”!)
We believe that a rock solid relationship and a sizzling hot sex life aren’t just going to fall into your lap; you have to create and nurture them.
Our business exists to equip you with the practical, actionable tools you need to create an extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out. The stuff that you were never given the opportunity to learn ever before.
And we give most of our work away for free because (going back to #1) we think you deserve extraordinary intimacy.
3. We believe in taking a proactive approach.
Most of us don’t work on our relationships or our sex lives until things have gotten really bad. Someone threatens a break-up or divorce, so we start frantically Googling therapists in our area, trying to find someone who can see us tonight.
But by that time, it’s often too late.
This reactionary approach just isn’t helping anyone.
We believe that proactively working to keep our relationships happy and joyful can prevent major challenges from coming up in the first place.
It’s a lot more fun to focus on thriving than surviving.
4. We believe in being open, honest and vulnerable.
Xander and I share our raw, unfiltered selves – as individuals and as a married couple – with our community.
You’ll hear personal stories about our triumphs, but you’ll also hear about major challenges we’ve been faced with and mistakes we’ve made.
It’s vulnerable to share this much with you, but we do it because we know that hearing these kinds of stories will help you know you’re not alone.
It’s rare to have open and honest discussions about sex and relationships, but we’re determined to change that.
5. We approach sex and relationships with curiosity and creativity.
We want you to have the absolute best toolkit possible, so we’re constantly experimenting with new and unique solutions to everyday sex and relationship problems.
Curiosity is our best friend – and yours too! We know from experience that when we approach our own challenges with genuine, whole-hearted curiosity, instead of fear, shame or judgment, a whole world of creativity opens up to us.
We’re learners at heart, so Xander and I test drive all of our ideas on ourselves before we share them with you!
6. We believe in giving back.
Our business exists to help make the world a better place.
Every month, we donate a significant portion of our company’s profits to non-profit organizations chosen by our employees. We support organizations that teach sexual education, eliminate sexual violence, amplify underserved populations and voices, and promote equality. Past organizations that we have donated to include:
- Planned Parenthood
- The Trevor Project
- National Alliance To End Sexual Violence
- Color Of Change
- Campaign Zero
- The Loveland Foundation
7. We value diversity, equality, and inclusion.
Although many of our resources are grounded in our own experience as a male-female married couple, we want to be clear that we value diversity of identity, orientation, experience, and opinion.
Because we believe that everyone deserves to have extraordinary relationships, we are committed to making our business accessible to all races, socioeconomic statuses, sexual orientations, gender identities, levels of ability, and more.
As biracial people ourselves, we strive to be actively anti-racist.
We know that we don’t know everything, and we’re committed to increasing our knowledge on an active and ongoing basis.
We know that we’re going to get things wrong, mess up, and hurt people, but we’re fiercely committed to taking ownership for our actions, apologizing non-defensively, and doing our best to repair the harm we cause.
Your turn to make a move...
We love that you’re still reading this, but you’ve gotta take action if you want things to change. Click that big, sexy button below and join our email list so you can transform your sex life from ordinary to extraordinary!
Evidently, the class taught me a lot—because after taking it, I started orgasming from someone else’s touch for the first time.
- GLAMOUR MAGAZINE
"There are relationship therapists out there and then there are individuals like Vanessa who take it to another level - really cream of the crop and cutting edge!"