Do you believe that you don’t have control over your sex drive? Or that you should spontaneously desire sex?

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I spend a lot of time talking about common sex myths. There’s so much misinformation out there which leads to unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

I love busting up these myths and filling you in on the truth about sex.

Today I’m continuing the libido theme of the last few weeks, and sharing the six main sex drive myths that are ruining your sex life.

Myth #1 – You Should Spontaneously Want Sex

If you read my free guide about the two types of sex drive – Spontaneous and Responsive – you already know all about this myth. (If you missed the guide, simply head on over here to sign up.)

You may also have realized that you’ve been labeling yourself or your partner as “low desire” simply because you didn’t understand the difference between Spontaneous and Responsive sex drive, and what each type needs.

Here’s the basic difference: Spontaneous libido types feel mental desire for sex, then seek out physical stimulation. Responsive libido types need to be physically stimulated first, then they’ll feel mental desire. In other words:

Spontaneous: feel turned on, get physicalResponsive: get physical, feel turned on

The Truth: If you’re a Responsive sex drive type, you’re rarely – if ever – going to be spontaneously interested in sex. It’s just not the way your body works.

And that’s perfectly OK! There are plenty of ways to have a hot and active sex life with a Responsive sex drive type.

Myth #2 – If Your Partner Doesn’t Want Sex, It’s Because They Aren’t Attracted To You

If your partner doesn’t want to have sex – either in a particular moment, or if they generally have a lower sex drive than you – it’s easy to take it personally.

You start worrying that your partner is turned off by that extra 10 pounds you’re carrying around your belly, or that they’re starting to see you as their roommate, not their lover.

The Truth: There are tons and tons of different reasons why people don’t feel that interested in sex. Only one of those reasons is not being attracted to your partner.

And here’s the thing: in my entire career of working with couples with mismatched sex drives, I have never worked with a couple where attraction was the problem. It’s just not the central issue that most of us fear it is.

Myth #3 – If Your Partner Wants Sex, It’s Just Because They’re Horny

It’s funny; we take it personally when our partners don’t want sex, but when they do want sex, we tend to de-personalize it! You may think your partner only wants sex to have an orgasm, and you’re just a vessel for them to get off.

The Truth: Sure, it’s nice to feel physical pleasure and have an orgasm, but that’s just one of the many reasons why we have sex.The truth is that sex is an emotional experience for most of us. Having sex is a way for us to physically express our love, affection, and attraction.

If you and your partner have been battling with mismatched sex drives for a while, I can practically guarantee you that the higher sex drive partner misses feeling connected, playful, and intimate way more than they miss having orgasms.

Myth #4 – Men Always Want It More

This myth is so dumb, but so pervasive. It just won’t go away.

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship where the woman wants sex more, this myth can cause so many problems. The man feels emasculated, the woman feels unfeminine, both partners feel “abnormal”, and neither partner wants to initiate sex.

The Truth: We’re all unique. There are some men who want sex more often than women, and some women who want sex more than men.

Myth # 5 – You Can’t Change Your Sex Drive

If you’re like most people, you think of your sex drive like you think of your physical traits: it’s a part of you, and you don’t have any control of it. Just like you can’t make yourself grow taller or have smaller feet, you can’t change your sex drive.

The Truth: You absolutely do have control over your sex drive. You can make active changes to create the sex drive that you want. And it’s probably going to be way easier than you think it is!

Myth #6 – You Shouldn’t Have To Put Effort Into Your Sex Life

If there’s one myth that I think is more pervasive – and more dangerous – than all others, it’s this one.

In one way or another, almost everyone believes that great sex should just happen “naturally.” Having to put in any sort of effort is seen as a sign that something is “broken” or “not a good fit.”

The Truth: Great sex doesn’t just happen naturally. It requires consistent effort.

But here’s the great news: working on improving your sex life doesn’t have to feel like a chore. It can be incredibly fun, fulfilling, and exhilarating!