Should We Break Up?

October 07,2021

Ending a relationship is one of the most challenging, heartbreaking things that we go through in life. While it can occasionally be quite simple to decide that it’s time to break up, most of the time it can be an extremely agonizing experience. So how do you know if or when to end a relationship?

To see if we could help answer that question, we reached out to our Instagram community for story submissions and were overwhelmed with the number of responses from people wondering whether to continue or end their relationships. Today, we’ll be sharing some of the stories we received, walking you through these nuanced and complex situations, and offering our best advice for how to move forward.


[2:35] We talk about our ‘rule’ for each other while preparing for this episode and a disclaimer

[7:33] Story #1: “…I feel like he doesn’t like the person I am or thinks everything about me is bullshit. I don’t feel respect from him.”

[8:46] We share what has made a difference for us in our relationship and how to curb the ‘ebb’ and maximize the ‘flow’

[10:30] We talk through the differences this couple is facing (kids, religion, lifestyle, etc.)

[15:26] “…I’m left feeling emotionally starved” and the complexity of Love Languages

[19:17] “I often find myself thinking that I deserve better and even that my daughter deserves better.”

[23:14] Our recommendation for this first story

[25:44] Story #2: “I worry that I’m spending so much time waiting. Waiting for him to emotionally open up, waiting for him to show me that he wants to have a kid with me […] I don’t have years to spend waiting.”

[28:27] We have a difference of opinion on the biological child/vasectomy situation and also talk about the reluctance to be a step-mother to the partner’s first child

[33:54] Xander’s hypothesis on why the partner may not be excited to have another child

[35:08] Our recommendation for story #2, with a caveat

[36:56] Story #3: “I love and want to be with him, but I’m tired of being blamed for cheating when that is not true.”

[38:37] The trauma of being cheated on and how it preys on insecurities

[41:52] Vanessa suggests something she doesn’t usually recommend as we give our advice for story #3

[44:17] Our advice to you if you’re going through something similar

Links & Resources:

Free Guide: The Golden Rules of Communication
Podcast: How To Navigate Different Political, Social, and Religious Beliefs In Dating And Relationships

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Want your questions answered on the show? Send us a DM or voice memo @vanessamarintherapy, or leave us a message at +1-774-PIL-LOW1. We’d love to hear from you!

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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!