Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life.

We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why the “F*** First Rule” might be the simplest way to rekindle connection.
• What the Bristle Reaction really means and how to retrain your body to want touch again.
• How to figure out your desire type (and why that might finally solve your mismatched libido issue).
• The sneaky reason your sex life might feel “meh” and how to make it worth craving again.
• Honorable mentions like the First Pancake Rule, scheduling sex, and other hot takes we might just turn into full episodes soon.

If you’ve ever thought, “Where do I even start?” when it comes to improving your sex life… start here.

Go Deeper

Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper.

Take the quiz now and unlock your results.

Stay Connected

Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander

Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame 

Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Also listen on