Should Sex Happen Naturally?

June 10,2021

Should sex happen naturally?

This is one of the most common questions we get asked, and it can cause some serious tension in relationships.

You may want to work on improving your sex life or making changes, but your partner refuses because they think it should just happen naturally.

In this episode, we’re going to uncover the truth about how sex really works in a long-term relationship. We think you’re going to be pretty surprised…

Giveaway alert!

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In this episode, you’ll learn:

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[01:09] Should sex come naturally?

[02:09] What does natural even mean?

[04:48] Initiation 

[06:44] Natural always changes

[10:02] Having sex like in the movies

[12:07] Natural sex takes away individuality

[15:46] The idea of natural sex ignores safety

[19:31] Natural sex distances us from our own sexuality

[22:13] Natural sex also distances us from each other

[25:51] Nothing in life happens naturally

[29:28] Listener question: Sex use to feel naturally at the beginning of our relationship but it doesn’t anymore

[31:58] Listener question: Sex may not always happen naturally, but I hate the idea of scheduling sex

[32:50] Listener question: I have been in a relationship for 5 years; I feel like by now he should know what I like.

[37:04] Outro

Links & resources

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How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having?


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!