June 10,2021



Do you secretly keep score of who does what in your relationship? 

 

Do you feel like your partner gets to be carefree and happy while you’re stressed out trying to hold it all together?

 

In today’s episode, we talk about one of the most popular topics we’ve ever talked about: mental load.

 

If you’ve never heard the term before, mental load refers to the invisible mental burden of keeping track of household and family needs. 

 

Seriously, people go bananas whenever we talk about mental load, so this is an episode you don’t want to miss!

Giveaway alert!

Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts before June 20 and we’ll enter your name into a drawing to win any one of our courses for free! That’s up to a $1,000 value! 

(Just make sure to take a screenshot of your review and DM it to us at @vanessamarintherapy. Apple doesn’t like to show every review, so we want to make sure you get added to the giveaway.)

Thank you in advance for taking the time to leave us a quick review! 

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In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • What mental load is, and why it’s so harmful to relationships.
  • How mental load impacts your sex life in particular.
  • Why women are socialized to carry the majority of the mental load.
  • A step-by-step plan to balance the mental load between yourself and your partner, so you don’t create resentment and frustration.
  • What to do if your partner doesn’t do tasks the way you’d like them to.

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[02:38] What mental load is.

[03:47] Why it’s so hard to carry the mental load.

[04:32] Fascinating poll results about people’s least-favorite mental load tasks.

[11:00] Why women are socialized to carry the majority of the mental load.

[13:25] How mental load can ruin your relationship.

[15:06] The specific impact of mental load on your sex life.

[22:23] Our best tips for balancing mental load in your relationship.

[45:22] Quick wins.

[48:35] Listener question: Why isn’t it a two-way street? There is no mental load that my partner bears for the family.

[49:41] Listener question: How do you help your partner understand mental load?

[51:00] Listener question: I’m a stay-at-home mom and my partner works. I feel bad asking him to do things since he works a stressful job all day.

[53:05] Listener question: My partner says it’s not fair for me to expect him to read my mind.

[54:07] Listener question: How do I remind my partner to do their mental load tasks? If I don’t remind him, he won’t remember.

[1:00:04] What if my partners learning their new tasks affects the family? For example, forgetting to pack snacks for the kids.

Links & resources

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HI THERE!

I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!