When Your Partner Wants Sex But You Don’t

February 24, 2022


What do you do when your partner initiates sex, but you’re not in the mood?

This can be one of the trickiest moments to navigate in a relationship. You might find yourself freezing up, worrying about hurting your partner, or even feeling irritated at them for initiating in the first place.

In this episode, we walk you through exactly what to do. You might even be surprised by our suggestions!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • The surprising thing most of us get wrong about initiation
  • Why it’s crucial for you to understand your sex drive type
  • 5 specific action steps you can take when your partner initiates and you’re not in the mood

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[06:14] Instagram polls — what are people feeling when their partner initiates but they’re not turned on?

[08:07] The thing NO ONE ever talks about when it comes to initiation and sex drive

[10:10] We share how often we’ve both been turned on when one of us initiates and what feelings come up in those moments

[15:36] Instagram Polls and stories from our community: “Do you just take one for the team?”

[19:24] How to consider your partner’s initiations

[22:14] Step 1: It’s NORMAL!

[23:09] Step 2: Your partner wants to feel connected to you

[25:02] Step 3: Using the word “open” to help you make a decision

[25:55] Step 4: Is there something different you want instead?

[34:00] Step 5: Get started

[42:11] Our thoughts on what to do if your partner is pressuring you to have sex when you’re not in the mood

[50:29] Listener Question #1: “I hate the way my partner initiates…help!”

[52:39] Listener Question #2: “My partner has a high sex drive but is unlikely to initiate because he’s worried it will trigger me instead of turning me on, but then it leaves the initiating to me and I’m very shy in that department.”

[55:34] Listener Question #3: “How can you keep initiating when you already aren’t comfortable doing it and your partner turns you down?”

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