What Penis Performance Problems REALLY Mean

April 14,2022

You’re having a steamy makeout session with your partner, things are getting hot and heavy and leading to sex, but your partner just can’t get or stay erect. (Or maybe their erection isn’t the problem, but their orgasm is.)

What does it mean??

For most women, we think the answer lies within ourselves. We’re not hot enough. We’re not experienced enough or lacking technique. Something is wrong with our body, not theirs.

What you THINK these performance issues mean vs. what they REALLY mean are two very different animals, so in today’s episode, we are going there.

Whether your partner has trouble getting and staying hard, orgasming too quickly/taking too long to orgasm, we’re talking about how these issues have affected us in our relationship and giving you all of our best tips for navigating them in (and out) of the moment.

And, spoiler alert, this episode turned into a mini therapy session for us!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[00:51] The Case of the Misbehaving Penis

[09:48] Disclaimer: who we had in mind when we recorded this episode

[10:53] Screech: Penis Problems! (The Theme Song)

[11:48] Instagram polls: What is it like for men when they experience penis problems?

[12:18] Xander shares how it feels when his penis isn’t cooperating and where his mind goes

[16:51] What do women think when their partner’s penis is misbehaving?

[22:19] Vanessa gets vulnerable and shares her experience and Xander responds

[30:08] The BOTTOM LINE about penis problems for women

[30:53] Our story with performance issues

[38:05] The bottom line about penis problems for men

[38:38] How to deal with a misbehaving penis in the moment

[40:15] Why compassion is so incredibly important when this happens

[42:59] What to do in the moment if your partner’s performance issues are stirring up feelings of self-consciousness for you

[44:21] Where to go next if you’re looking to get more practical, tactical tips for overcoming performance issues

[45:44] Listener Question #1: At what point do you stop trying when giving him a blow job or hand job when he’s not getting hard?

[49:18] Listener Question #2: How to deal with the guilt of getting off despite your partner having performance issues and not being able to himself.

Links & resources

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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!