How To “Let Go” During Sex

June 24, 2021



What’s keeping you from letting go in the bedroom?

People we polled said that body image, kids, and to-do lists all contributed to having a difficult time staying present during sex.

People tend to feel that “letting go” is the main thing that could make sex better and more pleasurable. But for many of us, just letting go is a lot harder than it sounds!

In this episode, we talk about what “letting go” during sex could look like, and whether that’s actually something we should be striving for in the bedroom.


In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why it’s not a simple matter of just letting go during sex.
  • How to be present during sex when you feel distracted.
  • How to set goals to improve your sex life.
  • Tools and techniques to quiet your mind.
  • How to create a pleasurable sex life that you truly enjoy.


Here’s a glance at this episode:

[01:59] Reasons why people find it difficult to let go

[04:10] Xander’s experience with letting go during sex

[05:35] What letting go during sex means to Vanessa, and the struggles she has gone through

[08:02] Why focusing on letting go during sex is not an effective strategy, and how pushing yourself to do it only makes it worse.

[09:45] The real way to create a sex life that is pleasurable and fulfilling

[16:15] Why not letting go can sometimes be a great thing for your body

[18:55] How to work on your sex life and set healthier  goals

[20:00] Why struggling with letting go shouldn’t stop you from working on and enjoying your sex life.

[22:00] Specific steps to take when you feel distracted or in your head during sex

[30:05] How to redirect your thoughts during sex

[35:50] Listener question: How do I turn off the mental checklist going through my head?

[37:15] Listener question: Do I tell my partner I’m trying to do this or work on it alone?

[38:45] Listener question: How do I let go and still feel safe?

[40:32] Listener question: Do guys struggle with this too?

[44:10] Listener question: What if I want to let go but my husband thinks sex should be serious?

[46:16] Episode recap


Links & resources


If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Take a screenshot of this episode and tag us on instagram @vanessamarintherapy and tell us your biggest takeaway! We can’t wait to hear what steps you’re going to take to talk about sex with your partner.

Want your questions answered on the show? Send us a DM or voice memo @vanessamarintherapy, or leave us a message at +1-774-PIL-LOW1. We’d love to hear from you!

Also, listen on


hey there!