June 24,2021

 

What’s keeping you from letting go in the bedroom?

People we polled said that body image, kids, and to-do lists all contributed to having a difficult time staying present during sex.

People tend to feel that “letting go” is the main thing that could make sex better and more pleasurable. But for many of us, just letting go is a lot harder than it sounds!

In this episode, we talk about what “letting go” during sex could look like, and whether that’s actually something we should be striving for in the bedroom.

 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

 

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[01:59] Reasons why people find it difficult to let go

[04:10] Xander’s experience with letting go during sex

[05:35] What letting go during sex means to Vanessa, and the struggles she has gone through

[08:02] Why focusing on letting go during sex is not an effective strategy, and how pushing yourself to do it only makes it worse.

[09:45] The real way to create a sex life that is pleasurable and fulfilling

[16:15] Why not letting go can sometimes be a great thing for your body

[18:55] How to work on your sex life and set healthier  goals

[20:00] Why struggling with letting go shouldn’t stop you from working on and enjoying your sex life.

[22:00] Specific steps to take when you feel distracted or in your head during sex

[30:05] How to redirect your thoughts during sex

[35:50] Listener question: How do I turn off the mental checklist going through my head?

[37:15] Listener question: Do I tell my partner I’m trying to do this or work on it alone?

[38:45] Listener question: How do I let go and still feel safe?

[40:32] Listener question: Do guys struggle with this too?

[44:10] Listener question: What if I want to let go but my husband thinks sex should be serious?

[46:16] Episode recap

 

Links & resources

 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Take a screenshot of this episode and tag us on instagram @vanessamarintherapy and tell us your biggest takeaway! We can’t wait to hear what steps you’re going to take to talk about sex with your partner.

Want your questions answered on the show? Send us a DM or voice memo @vanessamarintherapy, or leave us a message at +1-774-PIL-LOW1. We’d love to hear from you!

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HI THERE!

I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!