Mental Load Part 2: Conversations About Perfectionism, Gender Roles, And Finding Balance With Your Partner

March 16, 2023


Mental Load sucks. But are you accidentally making it even harder?

We originally talked about Mental Load way back in episode 4, and in today’s episode, we’re going to zone in on two nuances that can make or break your attempts to balance your partnership: perfectionism and male Mental Load.

Do you have a specific way that you like tasks to be done around the house? Maybe you find yourself feeling frustrated at your partner because they never do things the way you would do them. Or you get upset when they try to “help” because they bombard you with so many questions that you end up just doing it yourself? Perfectionism is hard enough to deal with on its own, but when you combine it with Mental Load, it’s a recipe for disaster and resentment.

Or maybe you’ve tried to talk to your partner about your Mental Load, but now you find yourselves in a competition about who is carrying more. You could list all the things you do for the house, for him, for the kids, but what would he have on his list? We asked the men in our community to talk about their Mental Load, and some of their answers may surprise you! (One answer was shocking enough that you’ll get to hear first-hand how to navigate a Mental Load conversation when your male partner carries a Load that’s invisible to you.) Men may not always know how to put into words what they carry, but the weight is still there, and it’s throwing off the scales of your partnership.

Let us guide you through the minefield of gender roles, socialization, and the burden of perfectionism in this second edition of Mental Load. Grab your partner or play it loud enough for them to hear it in the other room, because this is the one episode your relationship can’t afford to miss!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • The definition of Mental Load perfectionism
  • The dangers of playing the comparison game
  • How to discuss gender imbalance without leading to an argument

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[2:16] A deep dive into a loaded conversation

[6:43] Mental Load vs Physical Responsibility

[7:31] Review of the week

[10:47] Recovering perfectionists rise up!

[14:05] Is this self sabotage?

[15:30] The great dishwashing debate

[21:17] I’ll just do it myself!

[23:59] Making hard choice that brings you joy

[28:10] The “men”tal load distinction

[37:13] The weight of carrying the $$$

[43:44] The load that even we’ve never thought to discuss

[48:34] The Honey-Do list for men

[55:10] Do you feel like you carry an invisible load?

[57:06] Listener Question #1: My partner is never home to share the load

[1:00:07] Listener Question #2: It’s not asking for help, it’s balancing the load

[1:02:32] Listener Question #3: “But you’re so much better at it”

Links & resources

Guide: Mental Load Workbook

Podcast Episode Callback: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship

Podcast Episode Callback: Fine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized Incompetence

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