Dead Bedrooms: We Coach One Couple Through Resuscitating Their Sex Life

April 6, 2023


It’s time to talk about Dead Bedrooms. Does your sex life feel like a ghost of what it used to be? Has it felt that way so long that you don’t know if it will ever recover? Are you grappling with feelings of isolation, loneliness, shame, and/or hopeless?

First of all, please know that you’re not alone. When we reached out to our Instagram audience asking people to share their stories of Dead Bedrooms, we were completely overwhelmed by the number of responses. There are so many couples feeling weighed down by not just the loss of their sex life, but their intimacy altogether. Their stories were so layered that “it’s complicated” doesn’t even begin to describe what’s been going on. So let’s talk about what it’s like to live with a Dead Bedroom and what you can do about it.

We sifted through all the stories our community members sent in, and picked one to dissect live in this episode. You’ll get an intimate peek at what’s really going on in another couple’s bedroom. We’ll give you plenty of resources for navigating the pain and frustration, tips for getting the conversation going, and advice on navigating common pitfalls. A Dead Bedroom only stays that way if you let it; we’re here to help you resuscitate it!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • What qualifies as a Dead Bedroom
  • The most common reasons why couples experience Dead Bedrooms
  • How to try again when it feels you’ve exhausted all the options

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[1:14] The concept of a Dead Bedroom

[9:27] A written timeline can be truly cathartic

[12:31] Post-children disconnection

[14:54] Letting the things unsaid continue until they become routine

[16:50] Paragraph 1: The set up of our case study

[18:25] Confessions of loneliness

[23:58] Validating the range of emotions and the value in cause identification

[28:04] A slut or a prude – do you share that shame?

[33:34] Paragraph 2: Getting into the meat of how things go sour

[36:37] As a team, it’s time to huddle up and make a new game plan

[42:14] Paragraph 3: Forgiving yourself along the way

[43:48] Sexual Revolution – it’s about damn time!

[45:16] The shame of inaction

[48:52] Paragraph 4: Sex Drive in reverse

[49:50] Paragraph 5: “At least I know he loves me”

[50:46] Emotional intimacy has entered the chat

[55:57] Paragraph 6: Internalizing the conversation

[58:34] Reframing rejection so that you can move forward

[1:01:40] Paragraph 7: Inferences and assumptions

Links & resources

Guide: Rediscovering Us: Sex And Intimacy For Parents
Please note that this course was previously named MILFs, DILFs, and PILFs, so you may hear us refer to the course by that name in the episode. Don’t worry, though — it’s only the name that’s changed!

Guide: Foreplay Guides

Guide: Next Level Intercourse

Our Book: Sex Talks

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