“You need to lose weight.”

“Nobody could be attracted to your body.”

“You’re getting more cellulite by the day.”

“Your body is disgusting.”

I want you to go back and re-read those statements again. Imagine that you’re saying them to another person, about their body. Your best friend. Your partner. A random stranger on the street. Really imagine what it would be like. What would it be like to tell another person that their body disgusts you?

Now, think about the fact that this is the way most of us tend to talk to our own bodies on a daily basis.

Last week I said that we all know to be kind and compassionate to other human beings, but we often forget to show that same respect for ourselves! I’m guessing you would never say the things you say to yourself to another person.

Last week I talked about the ways you treat your body. Today, I want to talk about the ways you talk to your body.

The sad truth is that most of us talk to our bodies in deeply cruel, insulting, and unloving ways.

We can go to those negative places so quickly too. It almost feels automatic or instinctual.

I’ve put a lot of work into my relationship with my body and like to think I’ve gotten to a good place, but I’m still horrified about some of the things I catch myself thinking.

These negative judgments typically come from the cultures we grow up in. You’ve been socialized your entire life to believe that your body should look a certain way.

What’s deemed “desirable” – or even “acceptable” – by societal standards is usually incredibly narrow and specific.

Just the other day, I came across an article about how to get rid of “hip dips.” I’d never heard of a hip dip before, but they’re when a woman’s hips dips in around her pelvis instead of being one smooth curve from the side of the waist to the side of the thigh. I raced over to my mirror and discovered that I have these dreaded hip dips.

30 seconds before, I didn’t even know “hip dips” were a thing. Now there I was desperately tearing through this article, trying to figure out how to get rid of them.

Fortunately I was able to get myself to chill out and forget about this idiotic trend, but I was surprised by how powerfully those feelings initially overtook me.

In about 30 seconds flat, the media made me hate a part of my body I’d never even had a problem with before.

Now here’s the bad news: it’s impossible to fully turn off that socialization. You’re never going to be able to completely prevent your brain from having nasty judgments about your body.

But here’s the good news: you can still battle against those negative thoughts, lessen their impact, and turn them into opportunities to increase your body confidence.

And here’s the ironic news: the more frequently you have negative thoughts about your body, the more opportunities you have to create a better relationship with your body.

Today, I want to share with you a little trick that I call the Five-To-One Rule.

Every time you catch yourself saying something negative about your body, force yourself to stop in that moment and say five positive things about your body.

This technique was inspired by the work of the Gottmans, two researchers who have spend decades studying what makes romantic relationships work. They found that healthy, lasting relationships had a balance of five positive statements for every one negative one. I want you to apply this technique to your relationship with your own body.

Let’s say you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about the thickness of your thighs. Your task is to come up with five positive things to say about your thighs. For example:

“You’re so strong.”
“Your skin is nice and soft.”
“Your curves are really sensual.”
“I love how sensitive you are to touch, and how much pleasure you bring me.”
“I appreciate you for carrying me throughout my day. I’m grateful that you’re healthy.”

The compliments themselves are nice, but it’s the action of coming up with them that really makes the difference. Taking the time to slow down and think of compliments is a powerful way to show your body that it’s important to you.

That even though it may be shockingly easy to think negative thoughts and shockingly difficult to think positive ones, you’re still willing to make that effort for your body.