How to talk about money in your relationship

April 13,2021

Want to know the top 3 issues couples fight about or even break up over? 

Sex…

Kids…

… And MONEY!

Talking about money can feel so awkward in a relationship. 

There are a lot of similarities between our relationships with money and our relationships with sex:

But it doesn’t need to be this way! 

Today I want to share 12 questions and 6 tools for talking about money in your relationship! 

Questions about money to discuss with your partner

Money tools to use in your relationship

Now let’s move on to some practical tools you and your partner can use to have a healthier relationship with money. 

Discover your money identity

Rank where you are on each of these scales (in the middle? At one end or the other?), then compare your answers with each other!

Do monthly and yearly check ins

When things are good, it can be easy to go onto financial autopilot. And when finances are tight, it can be tempting to ignore bank or credit card statements to avoid being reminded of the challenges. 

Regardless of what your situation is, it’s a good practice to do regular financial check-ins as a couple. 

Whether you choose to do them monthly or annually (or somewhere in between), check-ins are a great way for both partners to feel up to date on your financial situation, and share some of the mental load associated with finances.

Consider having some amount of separate money 

It’s so common for couples to have differing opinions on how and when to spend money. 

While it’s important for both parties to be involved in large financial decisions, it can be nice to keep some amount of money separate so that each person can spend money in the way that feels good to them, without needing to worry about judgement from their partner. 

If you already have combined finances, an easy way to do this would be to each open separate savings or checking accounts, and set aside a small monthly “allowance” that you each put into your separate accounts.

Make an intimacy budget

We got this idea from one of our Instagram followers! 

We budget for things that benefit our well-being (travel, education, hobbies, self-care), but hardly anyone budgets for one of the biggest drivers of our well-being – INTIMACY! 

We firmly believe you should set aside money for your relationship, so that you can invest in things like date nights, lingerie, our courses, or a couples’ retreat.

Create shared financial goals

In addition to regular financial check-ins, creating shared financial goals or a vision for your financial future can be really powerful. 

Instead of just hoping to one day arrive at some mysterious financial destination, creating goals together can allow you both to get clear on what steps you need to achieve those goals.

Do you want to build your dream house? Donate a significant amount of money to charity? Pay off your student debt? Set some goals together! 

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HI THERE!

I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!

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