It’s my birthday month, so we’re talking about one of my favorite topics…

February 11,2020

“Romance is doing things for each other that make us love each other even more than we did before.” 

– Xander Marin.

This was approximately 5.2 seconds after I had asked Xander the question, “How do you define romance?”

I was seriously struggling with coming up with my own definition, and thought the question was going to stump Xander too. 

But DAMN did he surprise me!

If you haven’t guessed yet, ~ romance ~ is our brand new theme for this month. 

Ya know, February, Valentine’s Day, all that. 

We know most people have a love or hate relationship with Valentine’s Day, and to be honest, we’re both pretty ambivalent about it ourselves. 

But keeping the romance alive in a relationship is something that most people struggle with, so we wanted to give you our brand of practical, actionable advice for falling even more deeply in love with your partner, even if you hate Valentine’s Day.

(It also happens to be my birthday month! Shout out to my fellow Aquarians ♒!)

So let’s kick this month off by talking about pursuing your partner. 

When we first start dating, we pursue the hell out of each other.

And that’s part of what makes dating so fun! The thrill of the chase!

We make sure our partner knows that we want to be with them, and we try to be the best version of ourselves to win them over.

But let me ask you this…

When was the last time you made an active effort to pursue your partner?

For most relationships, pursuing goes out the window as soon as you get into a committed relationship.

It’s like we think, “OK, I’ve got this locked down. Now I don’t have to try so hard anymore.”

Has this happened to you?

Even though there’s a wonderful security in knowing that we’re in a committed relationship, we all still want to feel wanted by our partners!

So here’s my challenge for you this week:

Pursue your partner!

Make them feel wanted!

I don’t care if you’ve been together for 6 months or 60 years. 

Make your partner feel like you’re still working your hardest to win them over. 


How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having?


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!