So, what are you into?

August 27,2019

What are your favorite things to do in the bedroom?

(And no, “sleeping” doesn’t count. I mean when it comes to sex!)

A huge part of sexual self-discovery is understanding the specific things you like to do in the bedroom. What are your favorite parts of sex?

I remember listening to an interview with Dan Savage, an advice columnist. As a self-identified gay man, Dan said his experience is that gay people tend to be more straightforward about their interests than straight people. When Dan would have sex with a new partner, one of them would ask, “So, what are you into?”, and they would have a conversation before clothes started coming off.

Obviously, Dan was speaking in some pretty broad generalities about gay and straight people, but I do think there’s something really refreshing about the phrase, “So, what are you into?” It means you’re talking about sex with your partner more openly, and it means you’re not making assumptions about what your partner is looking for.  

So today, I want to help you think about what you’re into! 

If you click this link, it will download a long (but not complete!) list of activities that you could do in the bedroom. 

You’ll also see that there are 3 categories in the worksheet: “yes”, “no”, and “maybe.” For each item on the list, go through and decide if that activity is a “yes”, “no”, or “maybe” for you.

I like including the “maybe” category because it gives you the opportunity to think about your boundaries. 

Your “nos” are things you know you would never do. They may not sound sexy or safe or interesting to you. 

But your “maybes” are things that you would consider, based on the circumstances. Maybe you would try it if you had a partner who was really into it, or if you could set it up in a certain way. 

I’ve found that just thinking about your “maybes” is a fantastic step for better understanding your sexual self! 


How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having?


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!