Welcome to The Weekend Sexperiment!

Mismatched sex drives are a popular topic around here. Navigating how often to have sex is something all couples struggle with. Partners grow tired of their roles as the one who always initiates or always rejects. Resentment, frustration, and boredom start to grow.

This weekend, I have a different way for couples to play around with differing sex drives.

Agree beforehand that neither of you are going to turn down each other’s advances. It doesn’t matter if they are initiating a hug, an extended make-out session, or intercourse; everything gets a willing and enthusiastic go-ahead.

I also want you to individually think of a reason why you’re choosing to try out this Sexperiment. Here are some possibilities:

• “I want to be kinder towards my partner.”
• “I’m doing this to bring a little more fun into our relationship.”
• “I want to remember that this person is the love of my life, not my enemy.”
• “I’m doing this because I’m tired of fighting about sex all the time.”
• “I’m curious about what it would be like to try this.”

In each moment when your partner initiates, take a deep breath and try to remind yourself of your particular reason for doing this Sexperiment. There are going to be moments where you’re happy to go along, but there will also be moments where you’re not necessarily in the mood. This reminder to yourself will be very useful in those times where saying “yes” feels more difficult.

This Sexperiment is going to challenge you to be open and receptive towards your partner. It’s going to push you to be generous, even in moments where generosity is the furthest thing from your mind.

Please stay within reason here! Don’t try to push your partner’s buttons or initiate in moments that you know are going to be upsetting. And of course, please don’t force yourself to do anything that you genuinely don’t want to do.

For the entire weekend, see what it’s like for both of you to know that all initiations are going to be received warmly. Does it make you feel more open to initiating? Does it make you feel softer towards your partner? Do you notice any of your walls coming down?

Check in with each other at the end of the weekend and compare notes. Saying “yes” to everything might not feel sustainable in the long term, but has this experiment shown you ways that you might be open to saying “yes” more often?