Last week I got interviewed by CNN about how frequently couples should be having sex. The interview was based off of recent research that found that couples that have sex once a week were as happy as couples who had sex more frequently.

How often couples should have sex is an extremely popular topic (I’ve written about it here on the blog before), so it was fun to get to speak to CNN about it.

My main takeaways:

Different things work for different couples. It’s understandable that we all want to know what’s “normal”, but there’s no point trying to define a “perfect” frequency that will work for all of us.

Instead, try using research and articles like these to have a conversation with your partner. Ask questions like, “what kind of frequency do you think works best for us?” and “how do you think we can do a better job prioritizing intimacy?”

Scheduling sex works great for some couples, and horribly for others (see “different things work for different couples” above!). You’ve got to find what works for you. A brief quote from the article – ” ‘For some couples, scheduling sex works really well, it gives them something to look forward to, they like the anticipation, they like feeling prioritized,’ Marin said. ‘Then other couples (say) scheduling sex feels horrible to them, like sex is transactional and just another item on their to-do list.’ “

Most couples report that making an effort to have sex more frequently makes them feel happier in their relationships. But there’s a difference between making more of an effort to create the time and space for sex, and forcing yourself to have sex when you really don’t want to. In general, I think it’s best to try to prioritize quality time alone. You’ll have the space to have sex if you want, but without the pressure.

Check out the article in full here!