Her Orgasm Is Not About You

April 19,2016

“As a sex therapist, I know that we all struggle with our relationships with sex, and I like to operate from the perspective that empathy and education can cure most issues. But there’s been something bothering me for quite some time now, and there’s no light way to approach this particular topic—one that comes up with relative frequency in my own sessions. If you’re a man who sleeps with women, here’s my plea to you: Stop pressuring your partner to have orgasms for the benefit of your ego.”

Yep, I went there!

Gawker blog Deadspin recently published a rant I wrote about the way some men can treat female orgasm. I wrote the piece after hearing and reading one too many comments like these:

“I want nothing more than to be able to orgasm for my boyfriend’s sake. He gets so angry and annoyed that he ‘can’t make me feel good.’ I really want him to be able to feel like he’s doing a good job.”
“My boyfriend says he’s so frustrated he’s not sure if he can stay in this relationship much longer. He says he’s never had an issue making past partners orgasm.”
“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I give him that satisfaction?”
“I have stopped even trying to have orgasms during sex because it just makes my partner feel worthless when I don’t. I just fake it every time.”

I’m obviously a huge proponent of female orgasm, but I’m also tired of seeing women made to feel pressured and deficient by their own partners. It’s one thing to care about pleasuring your partner, but it’s another to guilt her into “needing” to orgasm.

Check out the article, including my tips for the right way to approach female orgasm, right here!

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HI THERE!

I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!