Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays. As a reminder, I’ll be addressing one reader email per week, so if you have a specific question you’d like answered or a topic you’d like covered, please email me. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.

This week’s question comes from Ted*, who writes, “Can you write some tips on getting through the holidays? This time of year is so hard for me.”

Hi Ted,
Thank you for the question! So many people struggle with the holidays, regardless of whether you celebrate or abstain, have a large family or no one, or have detailed plans or none at all. Many people feel lonely or abandoned, and others feel overwhelmed by family, tradition, or responsibility. Here are some of my top tips for surviving Thanksgiving:

• Rethink your traditions. So many of us get swept up in doing Thanksgiving the same way, every year. Traditions can be a powerful way to stay in touch with our roots, but we can also get caught up in blindly repeating traditions that actually produce more pressure or resentment than enjoyment. Take a moment to examine your traditions and ask yourself if you truly enjoy them. Are you stuck on always hosting dinner at your house, even though it’s terribly overwhelming? Do you find yourself always inviting over the neighbors, even though you don’t actually like them? See if you can allow yourself to let go of at least one of the traditions that isn’t serving you anymore, or try to create a new tradition that actually has meaning to you. You might decide to stop making your great-grandma’s green bean casserole that no one likes anyways, or you might decide to start asking everyone at the table to name one thing they are grateful for before eating. If you feel anxious about making these changes, remind yourself that just doing it once doesn’t mean you have to do it every year from here on out.
• Help out. Volunteering during the holiday season is one of the best things you can do. Not only are you serving those who are most in need, but you may also find yourself connecting to a sense of higher purpose. It’s hard not to feel the warm fuzzies when you are doing something selfless for a stranger. You may meet some wonderful new people or hear inspiring stories. It also helps us put our own life problems into perspective.
• Take some time for yourself. Try not to get caught in the hustle and bustle of the day. Plan at least 20 minutes during the day for you to have some alone time. You may want to go on a walk, take a bath, or write in a journal. If you’re spending the day alone, you may want to try to organize a day full of your favorite activities. Try to pamper yourself with meals from your most beloved restaurants, a few great movies, or calls to loved ones.
• Take some time for your body. See if you can squeeze in some exercise before the day’s festivities begin. Try to also pay attention to your body during the day, and notice if you are getting tight or tense. Whenever you find yourself getting stressed, try to tune into your body by taking a few deep breaths.
• Keep your expectations low. I know this one sounds defeatist, but if you aim to have a manageable Thanksgiving versus the most memorable Thanksgiving ever, you won’t feel as much pressure or disappointment.
• Keep it in perspective. Remember that this is just one day out of the entire year. No matter how bad it gets, it will be over soon.

*Names have been changed for privacy